By The Book
by Blizzaarrdd
Summary: We see Sara Quin as a Junior in high school, living it in the high life with her boyfriend Brett. They're the superstar couple of the school, but when Sara starts to have romantic feelings for a girl, she begins to question her sexuality - and that may lead her to do things she never thought she'd do. (Non-changing POV)
1. Chapter 1

"Brett, can you hold my books for me?" I asked in a whinny voice sarcastically. Brett rolled his eyes at me, walking up and kissing me on the cheek before effortlessly plucking the mound of books off the table. "Whatever babe, let's get going." He smiled a grin at me, opening the door to let me go out. I felt my face flush as I stepped out of the door. Brett started to walk out before yelling back into my house, "Bye Mrs. Quin!"

"Goodbye you two!" my mom yelled back from some other part of the house.

Brett and I walked down the sidewalk as we made our way to school. It was such a wonderful morning, kind of cold, but it was a perfect day to be out walking. I looked over at him as we walked, and it made me smile way too much when he looked back.

"Do you, uh, know what we're doing for class today?" I quickly asked, trying to make conversation out of my flustered mind. Brett laughed a little bit, threw his free arm around my shoulder, and pulled me close against him.

"Oh, shut up you - let's just walk." Brett grinned. I shied away from him but the more I pretended I didn't want him to touch me, the more Brett grabbed my sides and pulled me against his hips. I heard my books slam to the ground as he began to tickle my sides, making me erupt with laughter and almost falling to the ground. We must have looked so silly to the other students passing by, but we didn't care who saw us together. We only cared that we were.

"Stop! Stop! Brett stop it!" I screamed at him, "We're going to be late to class!"

Brett tickled me again before letting me go and saying "sorry", picking up my books, and kissing my forehead. "Heh, alright, let's go." He muttered.

I nodded my head real quick, but right when he began to walk again, I jumped in front of him and kissed him. We stood there for a long while before I pulled away. Brett smirked at me, and I tilted my head to my shoulder into a cute grin.

We finally walked onto campus just a few minutes before the bell was supposed to ring, and the quad was crowded with laid back and stressed-as-hell new kids, trying to figure out where their new classes were. I recognized some people, waved at my friends, and exchanged glances with others that I didn't recognize.

"Hey Sara?" Brett asked, "I'm gonna go off with Tony to our first class alright?"

I smiled at him before giving him a quick kiss. "Yeah sure! I'll see ya later." Brett winked at me and then turned away to walk over to a table where a few guys greeted him by patting his back and yelling his name. After he left, I looked around the campus again to see if I had anyone to hang out with before class. As I looked around, a hand grasped onto my shoulder and Tegan appeared next to me.

"Woah!" I kind of said with a jump. Tegan grinned at me, kicking her backpack up on her back. "Hey Sara!" She exclaimed, "You ready for class?"

"I guess so.."

"Where's Brett? I though you guys were gonna walk to school together?"

I pointed over at the table Brett was, where it looked like one of his friends had just thrown something sticky at him by the way he was reacting. "Yeah, he's over there with his friends now though."

Tegan leaned forward to look at where I was pointing, and nodded her head, exaggerating her movements.

"Okay I see. Whelp, wanna walk me to class love bird?"

I was still starring over at Brett when Tegan said that, so she snapped her fingers in front of my face, making my shoulders twitch up.

"Oh, oh sorry what?" I asked, stuttering a little bit.

"Exactly." Tegan chuckled, "Let's go."

Tegan started walking towards the school and I followed, taking one last look over at Brett and his friends, sighing some at the thought that he didn't even once look over at me. Couldn't blame him I guess, he _was_ with his friends. I tore my eyes away from him and walked with Tegan through the large doors of our school, where hundreds of bustling students walked and ran through the halls, all trying to figure out what exactly to make of this morning.


	2. Chapter 2

I finally found my way to my first class after walking Tegan all the way to the opposite side of school to her first period. I peeked my head through the door into the room to see if I had the right place, and when 30 or so lab students looked at me in unison, I made my way awkwardly in and sat down at the closest table. There was no one sitting next to me, but it seemed the chair next to me was the last open seat in the room. If I wasn't the last student in, then maybe I'll be making a new friend. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and plopped it onto the table, unzipping it and taking a notebook out. The teacher started doing that "welcome back" speech that every teacher has done since the 1st grade, making it sound like they're SO excited to be back teaching.

My mind was already becoming tired with the lesson, and it hadn't even been 20 minutes. Looks like this year is gonna be lousy.

I started to scribble random things in my notebook when someone sat down next to me in the open chair. I turned my head up to see a red headed girl, who just looked thrilled about being here. She slammed her book bag loudly onto the table, making most of the class turn around and look at her. The teacher hesitated before continuing to speak, giving the girl a glance now and then. But she didn't react to all of the stares; she only kept going through her bag.

"Uh..hey." I said, watching as she took out her phone from her bag. The red head turned to look at me, and raised her eyebrows sighing.

"Hey.." She muttered with a smile. "How's the class going?"

"It's going." I said with a little laugh. The red head smirked at my remark and nudged me in the shoulder.

"I'm Jordan; cool to me 'cha."

I smiled back at her, swaying a bit from her push. "Yeah, I'm Sara - you too."

She must have been new to our school because I hadn't seen anyone like her here before. Her natural orange hair looked almost golden against her green eyes, but maybe that was just the light. Her piercings were interesting too, having a spike through her right eyebrow, and a ring piercing on her lower lip. She must have caught me staring at her because she took a double take at me with a little embarrassed smile.

"What are you starring at?" She asked quietly, looking at the front if the room after she said that.

I shook my head slowly and looked down, "Oh, sorry. I was just looking at your piercings. I really like them." I fibbed. Well, it wasn't completely a lie, but that wasn't all I was looking at. It was odd how much her face interested me. It was like my eyes were a magnet to them. Jordan smiled a little bit, almost as if she wanted to roll her eyes.

"Oh, yeah thanks." She tapped on her lip ring, "I just got this one last week. How does it look?"

The ring was a little small for her large red lips, and her lipstick had smeared a little bit into to the metal hoop, but it fit her. It gave her face character. Not as if it didn't already.

"It looks great!" I said a little too loudly. The teacher glanced over at me and gave me a small glare before continuing to talk about a syllabus or something. Jordan shrugged her shoulders up and smiled, kind of like I did to Brett when we were walking to school. It was kind of cute actually.

Wait…what? Why did I just think that?

I turned my head away from Jordan and back down to my notebook. I didn't want to look at her now for some reason. I felt weird, like, really warm. My brain had this weird tingly feeling too, and I didn't like it. My whole body felt like I was scared…but why would I be scared? I was just talking to some girl.

A student volunteered loudly to pass out packets to the class, which caught my attention. I watched him as he got up and took the big pile from the teacher.

I had never felt like this before when talking to anyone, it was a weird feeling, and I couldn't exactly put a point on it.

The boy, a baby faced blonde, slapped the packet down on my table, then circled around and dropped one down in front of Jordan. She turned and gave me this "what the fuck?" look, shaking her head. I laughed at her expression, not actually knowing what exactly she was referring too. But then why did I laugh? I never really laugh at things people say if it's not that funny. I did laugh at like everything Brett said when we first met though..

I looked at Jordan again. Her long red hair had fallen in front of her eyes, and she flicked her wrists up to move her bangs away. Her eyes caught mine, giving me a look before turning to look at me. Her eyes looked me up and down, smirking a bit. It made me incredibly uncomfortable for some reason, and I could feel my palms become sweaty.

"I think this is gonna be fun class." Jordan said smiling up.

I tilted my head at her, "Why do you say that?" This class was fucking boring, why would she like it?

She grinned at me, playing with the packet in front of her, "Because I get to spend it with you."


	3. Chapter 3

"...and remember that that packet needs to be signed by Friday." The teacher finished as the class slowly began to pack up their notebooks and other things.

"Finally.." Jordan said under her breath as she stood up from her chair. I glanced over at her and watched her stretch. She leaned her head back with her hands over her head; her shirt rose up a little, exposing the soft white of her stomach...

"Stop it!" I yelled in my head. I pulled my eyes away, looking back at my backpack. I moved to start putting things inside it as I stood up. Other students hurried past me out the door.

Why do I keep looking at her? Why do I keep thinking things like that? My eyes looked back at Jordan, who now was picking up her book bag from the table. I watched her cautiously as I zipped up my bag and put it on my back. When Jordan was done packing up, she turned around to face me.

"Well, I'll see you around then..." She paused, "Sara!" She said, remembering my name.

"See ya Jordan." I said cooly, like I didn't care that she was leaving. Which, I didn't. Psshh. Why would I? What? I thought to myself, feeling the thick lie squeeze itself through my brain.

Jordan waved at me as she left the room and turned down the hall. I stood there in my spot for a second before leaving as well. I stepped out of the room back into the hallway, which was once again crowded with students. I looked at the hundreds of faces, trying to see if I recognized one. When I didn't, I sighed a bit and proceeded by myself to my next class.

The day went by rather fast, and after Tegan complaining about the homework she already had at lunch, and some dude almost running me over in the hallway, I was ready to go home. I didn't see any sign of Brett, and he didn't text me back, so I guess I was walking home by myself. Asking Tegan to walk with me was out of the question, because she already had told me she had plans after school. I never really understood how she made friends so easily.

I started to leave campus when I heard someone yell from behind me. I turned around to see who it was, and it was odd to see someone that I didn't know rushing up to me.

"Wait up!" She breathed out heavily, running to my side.

"Hey...what's up?" I asked, stopping to talk to her.

"Oh, I wanted to know if you still-" She paused, giving me a strange look.

"..what?" I asked, feeling nervous all of the sudden. The girl looked at my face, and then suddenly her expression changed, shocked almost.

"Oh...oh! I'm so sorry! I thought you were a girl named Tegan! You guys look just alike!"

My chest swelled up in a familiar sting that I knew too well, kind of like a bitter anger that also felt like I was drowning. I hated it when people mixed us up, I hated it so much. But I couldn't ever say anything about it because they would always just respond as, "You guys are twins! It's hard okay? Chill the fuck out." It pissed me off that I couldn't stand up for ME. For Sara. I could never declare myself as a one person; I was always just "Tegan's twin".

"No...she's my sister, we're twins." I mumbled, trying to act relaxed.

"Really? That's so cool!" She smiled big at me, looking over my face again. She leaned in and squinted her eyes. Her closeness made me uncomfortable.

"Damn, there's like, no difference!" She chuckled out, so very pleased. I kind of gave her a look of unsatification, and she must've recognized that. She stood back up straight, setting her jaw slightly.

"I'm really sorry that I thought you were her, but do you know where she is? I need to talk to her."

"No, I don't." I said terribly as I turned and walked away. I heard the girl sigh in frustration behind me, before running off to find Tegan.

"Damnit." I said quietly to myself, beginning my walk again towards home.

About 20 minutes had pasted and I was still walking in silence. There were no other students around for some reason, but there were a lot of bustling cars, so that made kind of a white noise of sorts. Being alone was something I was kind of used to, I mean, I didn't mind it much anymore - but I didn't like it. Tegan was always the one who went out with friends and talked for me, and I was always just kind of...there. Not really alone but not really engaged. No one talked to me but I was always standing there, right at Tegan's side. But lately, since we've gotten older, Tegan has started to go off with her friends without me, and I've been stuck hoping my boyfriend makes time for me.

I let out a sigh, kicking a rock that was in my path.

"At least I have Jordan.." I whispered to myself. It took me a second to realize what I had just said, and when I did, my feet stood still. I just stood there, starring ahead, trying to process why I had just said that. I couldn't think of anything. Nothing at all. All I knew was that she called me her friend, and that made me happy.

She liked me.

A small smile formed on my lips, and in embarrassment, I looked at the ground and continued my footing. This little girly giggle erupted from my chest, and I shook my head like a child as I did a little hop.

"I have a friend!"


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm home!" I yelled automatically, closing the door loudly behind me and chucking my backpack across the room as I ran up the stairs. I didn't think mom was home yet, but the silence of the house answered my question anyway. I turned a corner and opened my bedroom door, stepping into my home. There wasn't a whole lot of furniture in my room – only a bed, a desk with a chair, a book shelf with too many books to count, and an old dresser against the foot of my bed. I fell backwards onto my bed, laying my arms across on the welcoming fabric. Letting out a sigh, I reached into my pocket and took out my phone, checking it again for a text from Brett. As I thought: nothing.

"(Sigh) Fuck it." I sat up, reaching for my beat up old wooden friend, strumming the strings lightly testing the tuning. There were a few bumper stickers on the face of the split wood, but otherwise the old wood showed through. I started to play a cliché tune, taping my foot on the floor. I kept glancing over at my silent phone on the bed, hoping for some reason that I'd get a text.

My foot tapped faster on the floor, no longer to a beat but to my anxious mind. Why wasn't he texting me back? What was keeping him? He always texted me after he got out of class. It was the first week though...maybe he had to talk to his teachers or something...

I looked over at the clock at my wall; it read "5:21".

...for two hours. I sighed angrily as I played faster, starting to play something that sounded like a banjo in the hands of a motorcycle.

"Okay, okay - calm down Sara." I appeased out loud, "He's probably just with friends."

Why was I worrying so much? Just because I didn't have anything to do didn't mean that he didn't.

My phone vibrated on my bed, and without hesitation, I dropped my guitar to the floor and whipped around to fall flat on my bed. The screen lit up with a text message, but my face became hollow when I read the contact name as "Bitch". I sighed, opening the text from Tegan.

Bitch: Hey, are you home yet?

I typed back.

Sara Quin: Yeah, up in my room..

I rolled over onto my back before by phone vibrated again.

Bitch: okay becaus im downstairs and I didnt see anyone and I just wanted to make sure

Pressing the 'end' button, I put my phone back on the bed and sat back up; staring at the wall in front of me. The purple walls were covered in tens to twenties of printed out pictures, letters, buttons, stickers, awards - everything you could ever hang, glue, or pin to a surface was up there. I scanned over all of them again. They were things I had seen every day, watching them slowly build up. I still remember when I first got this room, and these walls were empty. They were already painted the purple, however, which I was fine with. The first thing I did was take out a sticker that I had in my pocket from school and stuck it right in the center of the empty wall. I was probably 6 or 7 when I did that, and it's still there.

The sticker was of a frog holding a thumbs up that was saying, "good job!". I starred at the happy little green frog, tracing its detail with my eyes. I remember when I got the sticker in school, but Tegan didn't get a sticker because she couldn't say the alphabet correctly - getting the x and y mixed up. She tried to rip my sticker, but I got if away from her before she could. There was still a little rip on one of the sides.

"Sara!" Tegan yelled from behind my door. I jumped on my bed, turning my head to the door too quickly, making my neck click and sting horribly on the left side. I held my neck in pain, bending over, "wh-what?!"

Tegan opened the door, waltzing into the room without closing the door. I rubbed my neck and sat up a straighter, still gritting my teeth at the pulsing throbs.

"What's up?" I asked, watching Tegan pull out the chair from my desk to sit in front of me.

"Nothing," she started, "I just wanted to check on you. I didn't see you anywhere after school."

"Well I just went home. You were busy and so was Brett."

Tegan squinted her eyes at me, pursing her lips out in question.

"...what?"

Tegan turned her head a little bit, "You weren't with Brett?"

I narrowed my eyes, "..no...?"

Tegan kept that questioning look on her face that I just couldn't figure out. I just kept watching her, waiting for her to talk.

"Why?" I asked, trying to get her to say something. Her silence after my answer made me really anxious; making my mind flood with ideas of what she's thinking.

"I...I just thought..." Tegan's face stretched out, realizing something that she might have no wanted to. She looked up at me, shaking her head, laughing a bit.

"Oh, no nothing. It's nothing." She breathed out shaking laughter, not looking at me.

"Tegan..what is it? I sat up straight, scooting onto the edge of my bed closer to her. Her face found mine, and judging by the sadness in the darkness of her eyes, she didn't want to tell me.

"Tegan." I demanded. She sighed , playing with her fingers.

"Alright, I was with some friends on campus and I saw Brett with some chick in the quad. I thought she was you but I guess it wasn't." She looked to find something to talk about but didn't come up with anything new. "It was no big deal. They were just talking."

My brain felt heavy, warm almost. "You're acting like it's a big deal."

Tegan shuffled in the chair, and when I shook my head at her, she threw down her hands in frustration.

"Okay, she was all over him. There. She was sitting next to him with her legs over his lap. But they were just talking!"

Tegan stood up, walking across the room towards the door.

"They were just talking.." She said lightly. I stood up from the bed, walking up to her. She turned her head quickly at me, eyeing me.

"I...I gotta go." Tegan hesitated her footing, walking out of my room and rushing down the stairs. I stood in my doorway, listening to Tegan grab her backpack and rush out of the house. In silence, the house stood still once again. Again, it was only me in my solitude, embodied in its warmth. But my mind now was not alone; it was cluttered with images and thoughts that I terribly came up with.

I turned around, walking back into my room and shutting the door with a light push. I picked up Red back off the ground and strummed her again. Resting her back down at her resting place, I fell down onto my bed to cry tears that I didn't come to understand.


	5. Chapter 5

"…and that's why you should never feed a stray cat!" Tegan exclaimed loudly with a hearty laugh. I chuckled lightly to her story, walking beside her on the way to school. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her this morning, and considering I knew Brett wasn't going to call, I agreed. I rather liked walking with my sister actually - it was something we never really did together. And since the night before was a rather…emotional evening, Tegan wanted to be by my side. We walked in silence the rest of the way until we stood in front of the school gate.

"Whelp, we're pretty early!" Tegan waved at a few girls that walked past her, smiling and saying hello like the little popular girl she was. I looked around to find someone I knew, but the only person I saw was a red head sitting at a table. Her presence made my face tingle, and she wasn't even within 30 feet of me. I still didn't really come to understand what I was feeling when I saw her, but it wasn't exactly something I…disliked. It kinda felt nice actually.

"Hey Tegan…?" I asked her, still looking in the direction of Jordan.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever…" I paused, looking down and then turning to look at my sister, "…liked a girl before?" I bit my lip anxiously at her. Tegan was caught off guard by my question, stumbling on what to say.

"Uhm…erm, uh yeah….I guess…" She looked around, seeing if anyone could hear our conversation.

"You have?" I asked hopefully. "Who?" Now I was just intreaged. It's not that I liked Jordan or anything, I barley even knew her. I just…I just enjoy being around her. Being "gay" wasn't something natural.

Wasn't it?

"Just…some girl in our class…" Tegan shook her head. "Why are you asking me this?"

I drew back, not wanting to answer further.

"Uh.."

Tegan stepped close to me, "Do YOU like a girl Sara?" She asked, big eyes and mouth open. She was so pleased with herself for coming to this conclusion, and so very pleased to be learning something new about her twin.

"NO! No of course not! What?" I yelled too loud.

Tegan stepped back, raising her eyebrow with her lips persed.

"Uh..-"

"Spit it out Sasa!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Then tell me who she is!"

"Will you just-"

"Hey Sara.." A voice said from behind me. I turned around to see Jordan there, smiling big, looking right at me. Oh god damnit, those green eyes were back.

"Oh! Uh…hey Jordan." I said nervously to her. I could feel Tegan behind me, smiling too big at my response.

"What's up..?" I asked. Jordan looked a little embarrassed

"Oh…uh, I got here a little early to work on some homework for English." She paused, looking across me to Tegan.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something.."

Tegan stepped forward to stand next to me, looking right at Jordan.

"I'm Tegan, Sara's sister."

Jordan widened her eyes, gawking at Tegan.

"Oh wow, are you guys twins?"

I glanced down, shamed again at being the "twin". Tegan laughed a bit, wrapping her arm around my shoulder to pull me next to her.

"Yep, that's us!"

"That's rad! I've always wanted a twin, or at least a sibling!"

"It's nothing special.." I muttered under my breathe. Neither Tegan nor Jordan heard my comment.

"Well I just wanted to say hi…uhm, I should be getting to class."

Jordan looked over at me, giving me a shy smile, "See ya later Sara."

Tegan called after her as she left, "It was nice meeting you!" Jordan turned around and yelled back, "You too!"

I watched her walk away; watching the sway of her hips, and the way her jeans perfectly outlined the curve of her legs. Tegan stepped in front of me, arms crossed with a bittersweet smile. "That's her isn't it?" she taunted. My eyes couldn't lie after that, and with one more look over at Jordan's perfect ass, I turned back to Tegan and nudged her in the shoulder as I walked past.

"I gotta go to class." I smiled through my teeth. Tegan, overjoyed, giggled loudly and ran to my side to walk with me again.


	6. Chapter 6

First period. The only class I had with Jordan, and the only reason I was excited for it. The subject itself was dull to me, but Jordan made me laugh enough to be looking forward to the class each day. The period was almost over, and Mrs. Roger - our teacher - had given us class time to work on homework.

"Are you at number 5 yet?" Jordan asked, tapping her pencil against her lip.

"Yeah," I turned my paper around to show her. "This is what I got."

Jordan looked over my answer and shifted her jaw.

"God damn, how do you get this so fast?" She asked with a sigh.

Because of you, I was so tempted to say. But I held myself back and said what was the correct response, "I guess it's just easy for me.." Jordan looked up at me, smiling sweetly. I couldn't control the butterflies in my stomach that that smile caused.

"Do you want to come over to my place after school to work on this? I seriously need the help."

Come over? To Jordan's house? To be alone in her bedroom? Oh god damnit no, I couldn't handle that.

"Yeah, sure!" I said.

Fuck no Sara why did you agree.

Jordan cheeked up, looking back at her homework, "Alright, sweet." she closed her homework into her book, "Then I don't have to work on this crap right now."

Class ended and I walked out into the hall, looking around for Tegan. Suddenly, two hands gripped my shoulders from behind and a face leaned close to my ear, "Hey beautiful!" Brett said. I turned around and smiled at him, "Hey Brett." I said sweetly, but maybe a little too sadly. He lost his smile, taking my hand, "I'm sorry about missing your texts - I was busy with the guys. We had a mandatory football meeting in Mr. Richards class. I was stuck there for a while"

Football meeting. Right, of course! He has those things all the time. That's where he was! It made sense now!

I grinned, leaning up to close him. "Don't worry about it babe, it's fine." He smirked back, winking, "Mind me walking you to class?"

I smiled devilishly, "Not if you don't mind carrying my books." Brett laughed, plucking the books from my hands effortlessly, replying in an old time English accent. "Anything for thy lady!" I laughed loudly, taking his free hand and proceeding to walk down the hall.

It felt kinda great to be the football star's girlfriend. Everyone liked me, and I always had the right of way. I didn't have too many friends however, but at least I didn't have enemy's right? All eyes were on us as we walked down the hallway, and I loved the feeling of his hand in mine. I loved it so much, it felt so…right. Like this is what I was meant to be holding. A smile danced onto my lips as my steps walked to the beat of my heart.

Finally, the day was over. I stepped out of the large building and out into the quad, looking around for Jordan. She normally was sitting in the same place; at the table I had seen her at this morning. She was nowhere to be found though, but there was a voice coming from my phone that greeted me. Feeling the vibration, I picked my phone out of my pocket and read the new text from Brett.

Brett Scottly: Do you wanna come over tonight and do homework at my place? We could watch that old movie that you've been bugging me to watch with you!"

Sara Quin: Shit, tonight?

I waited a second before my phone went off again.

Brett Scottly: Uh…yeah? Are you busy or something?

I needed to decide now. Jordan or Brett. My new friend or my boyfriend. To anyone else, this choice would be simple. But under my circumstances…they weren't. Not at all. I dearly wanted to go see Jordan at her house, but I also wanted to be with Brett. There was one problem with that though…Brett has been bugging me so many times lately to "come over". I've really been worried about his reasoning, but what am I supposed to do? I can't keep making up excuses! And plus the whole thing yesterday…I just feel like I can't trust him.

But he was waiting, and this time - I didn't have an excuse. I had to think now, I needed to choose.

I typed back to him.

Sara Quin: Sorry, I can't tonight. I'm going to a friend's house to study.

I read over the text, really asking myself if I wanted to make this choice. I watched my finger press the send button, wanting to reach into my phone right after it and take it back - but it was gone.

The fact that I had just chosen a girl over my boyfriend suddenly hit me, that I actually did have feelings for Jordan - strong enough to let them control me. I have had many crushes before in my life, but nothing like this. I had never felt this strongly towards someone, to the point where just the mere thought of their touch or their eyes on mine made my stomach turn. And above all - she was a girl. A girl. And I was a girl. That whole thing just didn't feel right at all. But…then why was it happening? If it wasn't right, then how come I feel this way?

I couldn't explain anything to myself about my feelings right now, because honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. But as soon as I looked up and saw Jordan walking towards me, my mind took over once again, and a smile appeared on my face without warning.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Jordan." I said sweetly as she walked up to me in the quad of our school, clutching her books to her chest. She gleamed with happiness and purpose that I wish I could absorb.

"Hey Sara! Ready to go?" She asked.

I gripped my phone in my hand, and nodded at her. "Yeah, let's go!"

We started to walk off of campus together, and as we left, I saw Brett in the corner of my eye, chatting away with a group of people.

"He doesn't even care.." I said aloud, thinking it was just in my head.

"Huh?" Jordan asked.

"Oh-erm…nothing." I said looking in the direction of Brett as we turned a corner, losing sight of him.

"…nothing." I repeated sadly. Jordan looked elicited, but she didn't say anything. We walked farther through silence. It felt tense between both of us. I felt almost desperate to break the silence, and as I shuffled through my mind, I found a question that I could ask.

"So uh…" I began. Jordan looked in my direction. "…how much farther is your house?" Jordan looked amused as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. A lock grazed against my cheek, making me blink quickly.

"It's just a few more blocks ahead." She pointed forward at a large gate. "That's my neighborhood there."

We walked up to the large gate that was connected to two tall brick pillars. On the gate, there were large metal letters that read: "UTORIUN". Jordan typed into a box a code, and after a loud beep, the gate began to open. I walked mesmerized on the sidewalk along the towering houses that resembled small castles.

This had to have been the wealthiest area in the whole city! It defiantly made my house look like a piece of crap. Jordan looked extremely modest to the homes as we walked, and when we approached the corner house with a billowing willow tree in the front yard, she must have noticed the dismayed expression on my face.

"Yeah…I know. A little much right?" She asked, wincing at her words.

"Oh..uh, no. It's just..different." I said, carful with my word choice.

"It wasn't my choice anyway, I barely like it. Come on, let's go inside." She said, reaching to grab my wrist to guide me into her house. I didn't struggle under her grip - only feeling her skin around mine.

When we reached the front door, she let go of my arm to unlock the wooden giant. When it opened, it revealed a maze of paintings, furniture, and marvels that I couldn't fully comprehend. The walls were painted a blood red, and the front door was connected to a path of tile that led down a long hallway - ending at the staircase. Jordan gave me an odd look before walking ahead towards the stairs, where I followed behind her.

We ascended the stairs, turning a corner, and then another one to appear outside a door with a sign hanging on it that read, "Enter If May Need To Be". I read the sign several times, trying to see if it was just me that was reading something wrong, but that's exactly what it said. Jordan opened the door to her room, and as we both stepped inside, I walked towards the center away from the door. Her room was so much bigger than my small purple sanctuary. The walls were different colors, like someone just took a paint brush and slashed it with different colors hundreds of times. She had a large bed with several stuffed animals that laid down on it. Her closet doors were giant mirrors, and when I was examining my posture in one of them, I saw Jordan looking at me as she closed her door. I turned around to face her.

"So uh…you wanna start working?" I choked out. I had never really been over to someone's house to study. I had only ever read about this kind of invitation as just a hang out. Or in my other books…something much different.

I felt myself blush at that thought, trying to get rid of it quickly.

"Eh, not really. Can we just kinda chill for a little bit?" Jordan asked, dragging her feet over to her bed, falling backwards onto it with a thud.

"Uh…yeah, sure!" I said awkwardly. I looked at Jordan lying down on the bed, and I wasn't sure whether to lie down on the bed too or sit on the floor. Would it make her uncomfortable if I laid down next to her? Maybe normal girls do that, and I'm just over thinking it….but still. It'd probably just be better if I sat on the floor…but what if that makes me look distant?

Fuck it.

I took my chance and flopped down on the bed next to Jordan. I hit the bed hard, and when my body settled, I could hear Jordan chuckling lightly to herself. I turned my head over to her, smiling as least as I possibly could. She looked so cute, laying on her back on the bed laughing. From this angle, I could see the curve if her jawline that stuck out quite defiantly, but my eyes betrayed me and moved down her neck to see the even more defiant curve if her breast. I pulled my head back in embarrassment to look at the ceiling, cursing myself for letting my eyes wander like that.

"So," Jordan began. I pricked my ears up to listen to her sweet voice. "What do you wanna talk about?" She asked. I turned my head to look at her, but found that her eyes were already on mine. Our eyes met for a few seconds, and I suddenly realized just how close me were laying together. Our faces were nearly a few inches apart, and at the thought of us being this close, my mind wandered to different thoughts.

_"Let's talk about us.." I whispered seductively. Jordan was taken back with a shy smile, "U-Us?" She asked. "What about us?" I gleamed at her, barley being able to hold myself back. "You know what I mean. It's no secret we have feelings for each other…" I said, biting my lip._

_Jordan looked around in the bed, "Is-is it really that obvious?"_

_"Very…"_

_"Well..do you want to do something about it?" Jordan whispered, shooting closer to me._

_"Yeah…" I barely even said. My face moved closer to hers, and I almost could feel the warmth of her lips…_

I came back to what was really happening, and Jordan was smiling at me. I must have had an odd expression on my face, because she was almost laughing.

"What?" I asked, trying to play off my stupid mind.

Jordan giggled, "Nothing, you're just cute."

Cute. She called me cute. What is this.

I looked around trying to contain my girlish giggles, "oh-erm-uh-cute? Haha, whatever."

Cute. Is that a normal thing teenage girls say to each other? I mean, I see in the halls other girls complimenting each other on how their "jeans make their butt look great." This has to be something like that right?

"No really!" She said friendly. I just stared at her, giving her a "whatever bitch" look, which made her laugh and nudge me in the shoulder with her fist. I laughed along with her, but my breath stopped coming happily when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.


	8. Chapter 8

I grumbled to myself, reaching into my pocket to retrieve my cell.

"Is something wrong?" Jordan asked, sitting up a little bit on the bed.

"I don't know yet…" I said, sitting up fully.

I pulled the phone in front of my face to show a new text message from Brett.

"What does he want.." I muttered.

Brett Scotlly: hey

…

Sara Quin: Hey Brett

I wonder what he was doing..

Brett Scotlly: what's up?

What's up? He never just asked me "what's up?"…besides, he knew exactly what I was doing. I lowered my brow and typed back to him; I could feel Jordan watching me.

Sara Quin: I'm at my friend's house remember?

I dropped my phone into my lap and looked ahead at the floor. Jordan's face was turned towards mine - like she was looking at me, but she didn't say anything. Her eyes on mine made me uncomfortable, so I turned my head very slightly to see if she was looking at me, and she was. My phone vibrated again, making Jordan turn her head away. Why wasn't she saying anything?

Brett Scotlly: oh, right sorry. Well I just wanted to let you know that I won't have my phone on me for the next few days. Sorry

I thought for a second before replying.

Sara Quin: Oh, alright.

I didn't bother asking why; he hated it when I asked questions. He always complained that I asked way too many questions all the time, and said things like, "Why do you have to analyze everything I do?" I never really _needed_ to know about how and why he was doing things; I just liked to have a good understanding of it. Whatever, it wasn't even that big of a deal.

"Are you okay?" Jordan asked quietly. I turned my head to look at her, and she was now sitting all the way up like me. She looked rather upset actually, but I must have looked that way as well for her to ask.

"Yeah…yeah I'm fine." I said with a sigh. "Just stuff with my boyfriend."

Jordan looked kind of conflicted when I said that, looking in a different direction for a moment.

"Can I ask what?" She said hesitantly. I kept my eyes on her, sucking in my bottom lip.

"He's just been acting weird lately - distant I guess. It's nothing probably, I've just been thinking about it a lot lately."

"I know the feeling.." She said quickly, looking down. It was quiet again for a moment, and I suddenly felt a question come onto my lips.

"Have you ever…liked someone that you knew you could never be with?" I asked Jordan, looking at her. I had no idea why I asked that…I did it without even thinking.

Jordan watched me for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, or why I asked it. I couldn't tell.

"Yeah…actually." She said simply. I only nodded, not really knowing what to say after that.

"Have you?" She asked. It was an odd question, because obviously I have since I asked the question, but now that it was my turn to answer, the words didn't want to spill off of my lips. The words knew who they were referring too, and since that person was only a foot away, they were scared that she would see their fear.

"Yeah…"

"How come you feel like you can't have them?"

I looked over her face, looking at every detail. The small ring in her lip, the twinkle in her right eye, and the way the makeup on one of her cheeks was smeared from lying on the bed. Red skin shone through the smeared makeup to give me the impression that she was blushing. Or warm. I wasn't sure. But just everything about her face was perfect to me, so precious and wonderful and new. Not new as in unfamiliar, but new as in different. Everything about her was new to me. The way she makes me feel, the looks on her face when she talks to me…just, everything. It was all so new.

"We just aren't the right kind of people for each other I guess…"

"Well…couldn't you try?" She asked, turning her head. I twitched my eye brow up at her, wondering what she meant by that.

"Like…" She began, trying to think of the right words, "Couldn't you try talking to them? Talk about what they like and how their day was and just get to know them really well? And hang out with them until you really know for sure if you guys click? Wouldn't that work?" She asked, smiling a little bit.

I chuckled at her words, wishing they could be true. Wishing it could be that easy.

"You sure do ask a lot of questions.." I said, playing with my phone.

"I just like to figure things out, ya know - analyze…" She said, shrugging. I turned to look at her, processing what she just said. The words of Brett came back to me, and they slammed in my face at the same rate that Jordan's did. I didn't know what they meant or why they were so connected, but I did like that she cared. Cared about me. Cared about my thoughts…

…unlike Brett.

I smiled at her, "I like that you ask questions. It makes me feel like you care about me.."

She twitched a smile, trying not to let it cover her face.

"Well…well I do care about you.." Jordan muttered through a smile, looking down at her lap.

I gaped my mouth ever so lightly, slowly gaining a smile that I couldn't hold back. As mine grew, so did Jordan's and she let out an awkward laugh. I played with my fingers, "That means a lot to me…not a lot of people do."

"Oh, shut up." She blared. "That's such a lie, don't tell yourself that!"

"Well…it's true." I mumbled.

"Hey!" She yelled happily. I looked over at her to see her smiling like a dork.

"What?"

"HEY!"

"WHAT?!" I gritted at her.

Jordan leaned forward and pulled me against her into a hug. I was taken back by her actions, bracing my hands against her shoulders in surprise, but as I realized what was happening, my arms slowly melted over her shoulders, gripping onto the sweet fabric that divided our skins. She was so warm and thin – so easily huggable. She pulled her head back, whispering in my ear.

"I care about you. And a lot of other people do, even if they don't show it. And that boyfriend of yours is lucky to have a girl like you, he's just being stupid right now. Don't let it get to you." She leaned in and hugged me again, and then pulled away with her hands on my shoulders. I was in a daze of emotions when her eyes wandered through mine, and when I just nodded back at her, she smiled at me and gestured with her head, "Come on, we have homework to do."


	9. Chapter 9

It was almost 10 o'clock now, and I was still in Jordan's room. My phone sat on her dresser, battery pulled out, dead silent so I wouldn't have to deal with the outside world. Jordan and I laughed together, talked together, and now that we were playing music off of a radio, we started to sing. Her voice was extraordinary, but her face lit up when she heard mine.

"Sara…you didn't tell me you could sing!"

I shrugged a little. Singing was something I loved to do, but I never took pride in it. Tegan and I would sometimes play our guitars and sing together in our basement at home on the weekends, but that was a rarity.

"You didn't tell me YOU sing!" I said, smiling back at her. She too just kinda shrugged.

"No! Really! You're incredible!" I said, swaying side to side on the floor. Jordan smiled, looking at the floor in embarrassment.

Time passed now; about two hours went by. Jordan and I laid on the bed together again now. I didn't even realize how late it was. I didn't care though; I just wanted to stay here all night. But I knew I couldn't, and I knew I needed to go home before my parents called the police.

Jordan said she'd walk me home since it was so late and dark out. I tried to ensure her I'd be fine, but she didn't take it - she almost pushed me out of her room with her. I wasn't going to argue much further after that.

The cold night bit at my face, making me shiver; breathing out false smoke. I couldn't see much out, but the street lamps guided our path.

"So…" Jordan started. "Who's this boyfriend of yours?"

We hadn't talked about Brett all night, and I was kinda glad that he was off my mind. Interesting she suddenly thought of him again though.

"Brett, he's our school's linebacker."

"Oh…oh! Wow!" She exclaimed, not expecting to hear that. I just kind of looked at her. I wanted to ask something along the lines of "what? Do I not look like a football player's type?", but I didn't want to start anything - especially with Jordan. I just wanted to enjoy this walk.

"How long have you guys been together?"

"Oh…about 7 months."

"Impressive!"

Yeah. Impressive. That's the word. It's been so long since I'd actually realized how long I've been in a relationship; I had forgotten what it's like to go out and be with someone else.

It was silent for a little while before I spoke again, "Are you dating anyone?"

Jordan looked shocked for only a second, but then she returned to her cool, collected self. She kinda smiled, but in a way a person does when they're speaking of something sad - like the death of a family pet. That awkward laugh/smile that people do when they don't know what else there is, or don't want to show their real face.

"I was in a relationship for a little while…but that ended recently. It was for the better."

"Why..?" I asked, curious about her distance from the full truth about it.

"It wasn't healthy for me."

"Oh…" I said, kind of automatically.

As we walked, we started to pass by an ally when a man stepped out of it, standing in front of us. I immediately stopped my footing, but Jordan walked closer to him, showing no fear to the unexpected man…but by the way she was acting, it was almost like she knew he was there.

"Move." She said, as if she knew him.

"You know what I want baby girl. Now just hand it over and you and your girlfriend here won't get hurt." He demanded, holding his pocket.

Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck no no no no. This isn't happening. This can't be happening.

"Beat it shit head." Jordan hissed, reaching slowly behind her to her back pocket. It was only then did I notice the edge of a blade handle sticking out of the fabric.

The man pulled out a small hunting knife, showing it off to Jordan. "Listen, just give me it. I don't want to hurt you." He said, stepping closer to Jordan. Jordan didn't budge.

"No." She whispered.

The man lunged at her, bringing his arm back with the knife. I shrieked out, stumbling back in hopes to try to get away from the attack, but that left me to realize Jordan, who still stood in the same spot. She reached up, grabbing the man's arm and flipping it over, gripping it under her arm. She twisted it, releasing a horrid crack through the dark streets, and a long wail of cries from the man. She let go of him, making him stumble back a few feet, and then collapse on his knees holding his arm. Jordan pulled the folded blade out of her back pocket, flipping it up as she walked up to the man. Picking him up by the front of his shirt, Jordan held the knife to his throat and whispered something to him that I couldn't hear. I didn't dare get any closer.

She dropped him then, shoving him back a few feet and yelling in his direction as he fled.

"Never fucking come back you bastard!" She screamed, flipping the blade back into its secure position. She turned around and saw me, standing probably 10 feet away, scared out of my mind. She looked at the blade in her hand and then shoved it back in her pocket as she walked up to me. She reached out and took my hand, clutching my palm against hers.

"Come on, we need to get away from here." She said, scanning her surroundings and leading me through the ally the man had come out of.

"Wh-where are we going?" I asked, frantically trying to figure out all of this. Jordan's hand was sweaty and thick in mine, but her hard grasp made it hard to think. The way she was holding mine seemed like such sanctuary. She was protecting me, she saved me.

Or was she the reason this happened?

That thought processed through my kind a hundred times, and when we appeared on the other side of the ally on a new street, I had to ask.

"Who was that man?" I asked, looking around at the empty street that I didn't recognize. She wasn't taking me home, I knew that.

Jordan sighed, gritting her teeth as she pushed forward, hand against mine still.

"That was my unhealthy relationship."


	10. Chapter 10

Jordan opened the door to a strange house on the outskirts of town. We stepped inside, still hand in hand, to a dark, dusty room. I learned to stop asking questions on the way here, because Jordan barley knew the answer herself. She closed the door quickly behind us, leading me up the stairs and into a door right at the top. It opened with a creek, and immediately there was a distinct smell to the room. Chemically.

"What is that?" I asked, covering my mouth and nose with my hand. Jordan let go of my hand and sat down on the bed in the room. She starting rummaging through a backpack on the bed as she answered.

"Just some experiments. Don't worry about it." She said, pulling out several bags of white powder from the backpack and placing them on the bed. My eyes went wide as I watched her continue to pull out bag after bag.

"Is that-"

"Cocaine? Yeah." She interrupted quickly, like she got that a lot. I suddenly didn't know whether to stay by the door or to sit down next to her. Jordan didn't look like a coke addict, but how would I know - I've barley even ever seen the drug itself.

She kept looking through the bag, pulling our random things like some form of a tube and a credit card, as well as a plate of glass. She looked back at the bags on the bed, and started counting them aloud quietly. I still stood silent in the corner.

"Is that what the guy wanted?" I asked, chocked up. I didn't know why I felt like there was a lump in my throat, but maybe it was from fear, or maybe because I had now learned something new about my Jordan.

She looked up to me, "Oh…yeah, it was." She went back to counting right away, and when she was done, her eyes found the floor and she sighed. "16…"

Jordan looked up so see me still by the door, looking incredibly distressed.

"What?" She asked, "It's like you've never seen coke before.."

I stared back at her, silent still. She rolled her head to the side a little bit, realizing what my silence meant.

"Oh.." She whispered, looking at the bags on the bed. "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.."

"It's fine..!" I kinda of yelled, trying to stop Jordan from feeling like she had to blame herself. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"It's fine…really." I walked over, sitting awkwardly down on the bed next to her. She watched me sit down, analyzing my movements.

"I…I just don't know what to do now…" She sighed. Jordan dropped her head, looking back at the floor. My teeth sank down on my bottom lip, sucking on the skin as I contemplated my thought. My arms reached out to Jordan, wrapping then around her shoulders and pulling her towards me. She allowed me to hold her, falling lightly against my chest, leaning her head on my shoulder. I clutched onto her as she was leaned on me, pushing her up into a more comfortable position. She sighed, closing her eyes and snuggling her head into me.

"We'll figure it out.." I whispered, closing my eyes as well. "We'll figure it out together."

"Thank you.." She chocked out, turning her face so her eyes were buried in my shirt. I don't know exactly _what_ there was to figure out, or how I could even help, but that was just the first thing that came out of my mouth. It felt…right somehow; like that's what she needed to hear.

"Of course…I'm not goin' anywhere." I leaned my head down to rest it on hers, squeezing my body against her on the bed. The chemical smell was so overpowering to my nose, but I tried to ignore it and just be lost in the warmth of Jordan.

I wasn't comforting her for the fact that I "forgave" her for putting me in that situation; I was doing it because I could tell she needed it. She needed to have someone hold her head and whisper to her that they were there. Right there; not leaving. But also, I could tell that something horrible had happened to her past, someone ruined things for her, and she was trying to run and hide away from all of it. But I just hoped as long as we stayed together like this, she wouldn't need to hide any longer.

"Sara..?" She asked, breathing into my chest.

"Yes?"

She didn't answer me right away, and the only sound that came from the room was her swallowing. I held my breath with the next words, "What is it Jordan?"

She swallowed again. "Why are you so nice to me?" She whispered, her voice crackling and tripping on each word. I blinked at the air, not wanting to answer the question truthfully. But as I thought, I realized that _I _was hiding, and that _I_ had been running this whole time about what I felt of Jordan. Even though it had only been a few days - almost a week since we had met, I couldn't deny these strange, unusual feelings I had for her. She needed to know, at least only a little bit - because I was tired of hiding.

"Because….Because I…" I swallowed, squeezing my eyes shut_. Spit it out Sara._ "I…"

Jordan sat up, moving her head up to look at me with large wet eyes and pursed lips. "Because you what?" She asked.

I looked away, too embarrassed to say it to her face. "Because…I like you." I finally said. I looked back at her, and the look in her eye made me feel like I could continue. "I…I like you a lot…more than I ever have anyone. I just…I don't know what it is but I just really-"

Jordan leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. Her warm, chapped lips were rough against me, but they felt more soft and kind than the softest of fabrics, or smoother than the cleanest water. The feelings in my head and in my back shuttered and wiggled around, almost like I was being tickled - but it didn't hurt. It felt amazing actually. Almost relaxing.

She pulled away slowly, looking back at me again with those big green eyes. She smiled a little, speaking innocently. "I like you too Sara.."


	11. Chapter 11

I sat in the passenger seat of Tegan's car in silence, driving through the confusing, dark neighborhood. When I had finally turned my phone back on, it was no surprise that I had had several new texts from Tegan, asking where I was. I finally told her the address - after working it out of Jordan - and Tegan was here to pick me up. She wasn't too happy now that we rode together back home.

"Does mom know I've been out..?" I asked quietly. Tegan tapped her hands on the steering wheel, flicking up her blinker to make a turn soon.

"No. She went to bed without checking in with you." Tegan turned the corner, swallowing her breath.

"I was really worried about you Sara.."

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, not really knowing what to say.

"What were you even doing over here?!"

"Jordan!….Jordan…brought me here.."

"What..? Why?" She turned her head, giving me a strange look. I didn't even know what to say, or how to describe our situation. We almost got attacked so we ran to an abandoned house? That sounded so stupid, but that's pretty much what happened..

"I don't know Tegan…can we just go home?" I grumbled sadly, leaning my head against the cold car window. Tegan kept glancing over at me, and then sighed loudly. Her fingers gripped hard around the steering wheel the rest of the way home.

Our car silently pulled into the driveway of our sleepy home, rumbling to a stop when Tegan pulled out the keys. She leaned back in her chair, pushing her head back against the head rest. I still sat with my head against the window even though my scalp was freezing from the cold glass; I still kept my head there, not wanting to at all move. As I sat there in silence with Tegan, the short kiss I shared with Jordan came back to me, and suddenly a dorky smile crept onto my lips. Tegan rolled her head over to face me, and looked me up and down with a smug look.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"Nothing funny…just remembering something…nice." I blinked slowly at the thought.

"Nice?"

"Yeah…nice." I sat up then, looking at Tegan who looked tired and confused.

"Thanks for coming and getting me…you're not going to tell mom are you?" I asked, gritting my teeth.

She chuckled a bit, reaching her arm out and placing it on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about it kid; she'll never know." She kept her hand there, smiling for another second before gesturing with her head. "Come on, let's get inside - it's freezing as fuck out here."

The next day at school, I arrived early to first period, being almost the only person in the classroom - besides the teacher and some strange curly haired boy at the front of the class. I flipped through my Chem book mindlessly when someone sat down in the chair next to me. I looked up with my eyes to see Jordan, shying smiling down at me. I smiled back at her, lifting my head off of my fist.

"Hey." I said tirdly. She sat down in her chair, spreading her things out on the table.

"Heyy.." She smiled back. She wore a simple outfit of black jeans and a black T-Shirt with white letters - guessing that the words were a band of some kind. But even though the clothes didn't fully compliment her figure, she still looked stunning. Her bright eyes glowed against her clothes and her hair fell in waves on the side of her head. Her whole being just made me feel awake.

We chatted about random topics until the teacher called the class to attention, and we started our days lecture. About ten minutes into class, I was leaning back in my chair watching the teacher scribble some type of equation on the board that I didn't care much for. I looked over at Jordan who was furiously writing down notes on her paper. Her face was so focused on what she was doing, but as the teacher stopped to explain something to a student - Jordan slouched down in her chair as well, dangling one of her arms at her side. I watched her hand swing lightly in its suspension. Her delicate yet strong fingers looked so helpless as they hung there, almost asking for something to stop them from falling. My hand felt imaginary pressure against it's palm, wanting to feel Jordan's skin against mine.

I sat forward in my chair, dangling my arm on the side of my chair. I held my breath in my throat, remembering the stingly smooth words that escaped Jordan's lips.

"I like you too.." She repeated in my head. I remembered the smile on her face, and the butterflies in my stomach that were coming back again. They had to be true, because they felt so real. And her words had to have been meaningful, because she wouldn't just say that.

My fingers twitched with temptation, and my blushing face turned to the side to not let myself watch as my arm reached forward. It slowly crept towards Jordan's hand, and after a few anxious seconds, I felt my skin brush against her. The skin on my face felt tingly when I tapped my fingers against hers. She recoiled for a slight second, but then let her hand swing back down against mine. I tried to move my hand closer, but my concrete muscles hardened, not letting me go any further.

But they became pure jello when Jordan reached out and intertwined her fingers in mine, squeezing them tightly, taking in the form of my skin. The warmth that extended from her came into me, and it soon embodied my whole self, making me become just a bath of emotions.

I turned my head to kind of look at Jordan, but her eyes we already on mine. I smiled at her, and she did the same - giving my hand a squeeze.

Our hands stayed best friends until they had to depart at the end of class. She stood up, letting go of my hand that was covered in wonderful sweat. Jordan waved goodbye to me as I stood by our table, and when she was gone, I collapsed down into my chair in an attack of giggles, hiding my face in my crossed arms. When I pulled back up, several people where staring at me. When our eyes caught, however, they turned away and went back to what they were doing. I collected myself and my things, walking out happily into the hall of rushing students. I felt so perfect until I noticed Brett waving at me from down the hall.


	12. Chapter 12

"Sara!" Brett called happily from down the hall, waving his hand over the crowds of students. People looked in my direction after seeing Brett, smiling at me about how "perfect" of a couple we are. I waved shyly back to him as he made his way over to me.

"Hey babe!" He exclaimed as his lips met my cheek.

"Hey Brett."

"I haven't heard from you! Did your phone die? I kept trying to call you!"

Yeah, haha, I know. I had about 5 missed calls from him when I had turned my phone back on.

"Oh, uh - yeah. It died while I was at my friends." I fibbed, looking at the ground because I was such a terrible liar.

"Okay, well I have something to tell you!" He grabbed my hands, holding them in his large, muscular palms. He turned his head side to side, looking at the flooded hall.

"Here, come with me." Brett tugged at my arms, pulling me in the opposite direction of my class.

"Wait- What? Brett! We're going to be late to second!" I yelled, arching my head behind me to look back down the hall. He smiled and laughed a little through his teeth, continuing his fast pace across the school.

"I don't care, this is important."

I looked up at him and groaned quietly. What could be so important that it couldn't wait till after school or lunch? He pulled me around a corner to a door that was labeled "Janitor". Before I could argue, Brett was already stuffing me into the tiny room with him as he shut the door.

"Brett..what is going-"

Brett grabbed my face in his hands, kissing me delicately. The suddenly kiss made me rise up on my toes to try and reach for his plump lips. We stood there a moment in complete silence, and when he released me of my trance, I didn't know what to say; I was rather just waiting for him to talk.

"So listen.." Brett began.

"Well you have my attention now.." I said with a little laugh. He grinned at me, looking down nervously. The room was so small and crowded, but I wasn't focusing on the bottles of bleach stabbing me in my ass right now - but rather my nervous boyfriend who shoved me in a closet with him.

"I got this letter in the mail from California.." He looked up at me, smiling a bit more. "California…as in Berkley!"

I felt my eyes go wide when the words went through my head, "What? Are you serious? Brett that's great! What'd they say?" I jumped a little bit in excitement, holding his hands in mine. He shared my happiness, grasping my fingers back in his hands that were probably double the size of my own.

"They want me for their football team - they've, they gave me a scholarship!"

"Brett.." I sighed, "That's fantastic, seriously..you.." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, having to stand on my up most tippy toes to do so, but that was my favorite place to hug him - I could smell the sweet comforting smell of his hair. He hugged me back, holding my thin body against his hard chest. I let go of him, taking his hands again and playing with his fingers.

"I'm really proud of you Brett.."

"Thanks Sara.." He said sadly. "But…"

"But..?" I asked, closing one of my eyes a bit. "But what?"

"It's just that…" He turned his head a bit, "They want me to leave early." He said, cringing.

"How early…?" I asked. The year had just started! How early did they want him to head out there?

"In about a month.." He sighed, brushing his thumb against my palm. I didn't say anything; I just tried to process those words. A month? Why did they need him there so soon? I mean, he is a senior, but he still needs to be here to complete his school right?

"What do you think..?" He asked hesitantly.

"I…I don't know.." I loosened the grip on his hands. "Wouldn't you have to complete your senior year first to leave?"

"I've already got my credits; I just need to get the principle to sign me off and I can get my diploma.." He looked me square in the eyes, trying to smile as he repeated his question. "So…what do you think?"

I still didn't know. This would be so good for Brett - he gets to go to one of the best colleges on the west coast with a free ride, but it'll cost him leaving early. I wanted to be selfish and tell him to stay…for me, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to tell him to go. Not because it would benefit him, but because of…because of Jordan.

I hated that I thought that; that this girl who was the wrong idea for me was persuading my thoughts to set forth the path for someone. I didn't want to do that; I didn't want to ruin this chance for Brett. But I would be telling him to do it for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I wanted him to go - because it would be an amazing experience and an extraordinary life changing move for him to take. But yes, I also wanted him to go because this was my first opportunity to ever make him leave.

And now that that moment has come, it was starting to have regrets. I didn't know what to say.

I stood in silence, chocking on my heart that was owned by two.

"I…I.." I began. "I don't know…this would be great for you…but I don't want you to leave me.."

Brett smiled a bit at me and squeezed my hands. "Oh Sara, I'm going to miss you too - more than I think I will, but we can still talk on the phone.." I must have looked hesitant, because he lifted his hands up to hold my face gently. "Things…will work out. I know they will."

"I trust you.." I said, forcing my eyes not to cry.

"Good…I'm glad you do." He spoke softly, moving close to kiss my dry lips. Brett was the only guy I ever had true feelings for; that after a long time, I still felt that spark whenever he kissed me. He was an amazing guy, and an even more amazing boyfriend, but because of the thoughts I was having I didn't at all feel equal to him as a girlfriend. I felt terrible actually for wanting him to go to just be with someone else. But he needed to do this, because he wouldn't ever get another chance like this again.

"Do you…" He whispered in between the kiss. I pulled my lips away, leaning my forehead on his, breathing slowly. The thick air in the small room was becoming noticeable to me, and now was when I did realize how close we were standing to each other - our bodies and hips smeared together in the dark.

Brett licked his lips, looking down. "Do you want to come over tonight?" His eyes looked up at mine, and I could see his pupil shake with temptation. He had asked me this question so many times before, but I never was ready to say yes. I never felt like it was the right time for us, but now….now that we stood here with our hands and bodies tied together in the cramped room that smelled of soap, I had an answer in the bottom of my throat that was quite hard to force out.

"Y-yes." I wheezed quietly. It wasn't much of an answer, but Brett nodded, kissing my lips again. He knew how much this would mean to me, and I was ready to let this happen. It was it's time.

My mind flashed to Jordan again, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't want to think about her now, because this moment was Brett's and I wanted to share it with him and only him; this was going to be special. But a thought ran through my head that made my back wince, and made a dark cloud form above my head with regret of the thought.

"I'll save that until next month.." It hissed in my ears.


	13. Chapter 13

School had let out a few hours earlier, and my mom thought I was at Jordan's again. It was already dark even, but my mind was lit bright in the crowded room of thoughts and sweat. This room was the only place I let see me besides the obvious other. Brett hovered over me, looking me in the eyes more deeply than I have ever seen him before. My body felt frozen against the bed, but the quick blood that pumped through my veins made me feel like I was melting all at the same time. It was…such a different feeling than I've ever had - to feel so vulnerable but want the other person to hurt you in a way that will make you feel like you are souring higher than any bird can. To just…want everything from them; wanting to be so selfish by taking all of what they have from them but not caring at all because it's what makes you feel alive. He wanted me, and I loved that he did because I so desperately wanted him as well - and I did. I had him. After so much waiting and holding myself back because of the constant fear in my head, he was finally mine. And I don't just mean because we were doing this, but because I can finally say that I trusted him. After all the times I felt like he was going behind my back or he was lying to me, I finally realized that I was just paranoid. He was mine. All mine. Only mine.

The night went by with a flash, and soon I found myself laying in silence on Brett's bare chest. His arm was wrapped around my shoulder with his fingers slowly drawing circles on my skin. My heart still pounded hard from the experience, but I tried not to listen to it but rather to the rise and fall of his lungs.

"Brett?" I asked him quietly.

"Yeah?"

I swallowed. "I love you."

Brett moved his head a little, probably to look at me, but I didn't look up to see. He stared at me for a long moment, making me shake from him not responding. His lips leaned forward and kissed my forehead, letting them brush against my skin as he pulled away.

"I love you too Sara."

I snuggled my head into his chest a little more, and his arm moved to cradle me against his body. We laid there like that the rest of the night until the weekend sun drew out of the window, and my eyes cracked open to find the bed empty. Propping myself up on my elbow, I scanned the room sleepily as I rubbed one of my eyes. A noticed a letter on the fabric next to me after a yawn. I blinked at it, plucking the paper off of the bed with my fingers. In Brett's sloppy handwriting, the words read:

"Morning babe. Come downstairs when you find this - there will be something waiting for you"

He signed the bottom with his name and a heart; I hugged the note to my chest as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, testing my weight on my tired feet. I slipped into my thin underwear and pulled my shirt over my head; not bothering putting my bra back on. The door opened with a creek, making me cringe. I didn't want him to know I was awake - I wanted it to be a little surprise.

Tip toeing down the carpet hall to the stairs, I leaned over the railing to try to get a glimpse of the kitchen. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, so I slowly crept down the stairs until I could see the living room - still nothing. A smile had danced onto my lips now, so very curious of what was "waiting" for me. My feet reached the floor of the stairs, feeling the cold sting of the wood. My feet made a light pat sound as I walked into a different room, looking around for Brett, but he was nowhere. I scanned over the entire house, but still I didn't find anything waiting for me. Frustrated now, I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I let my body sink into the fabric, sighing as I did.

"ssssssSSsssSSSSAAAARRRRAAAAA A!" Brett screamed as he ran down the hall and flipped over the back of the couch, landing on his head next to me. I jumped and yelled in surprise, laughing loudly when I saw that he was wearing a cape.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I asked, throwing my head back laughing when he tried to sit up right but rolled onto the floor.

He stuttered as he tried to sit upright. "I-i'm, uh.."

Brett got to his feet, standing in front of me with his fists on his hips in a superhero pose.

"I'm here to save you!" He exclaimed in a stereotypical Superman voice.

"From what..?" I laughed out, sitting back to watch him be a dork.

He placed one of his hands flat out on his forehead, "scanning" the room.

"…from The Tickler.." He said evilly, turning his head to look at me. I felt my eyes go wide when I realized what the look on his face meant. I picked my feet up on the couch and covered my sides with my arms as Brett lunged to me, arms out and fingers gripping my sides. I burst out laughing hysterically into his house, rolling around trying to get away from him. The grin on his face grew wider and wider as he too laughed along with me.

My eyes were closed shut when the tickling finally stopped, and I let my eyes peak out into the room. Brett laid on top of me, smirking lightly. I scrunched my face up, trying to look mad. "What the fuuucckk!" I yelled, pushing him off of me.

"What?! It was for your protection!" He pleaded.

"Oh, was it?"

"Yes! Of course!" He laughed, sitting down on the couch next to me, throwing his cape over the side of the arm rest. I thought for a second, "So, was that what was waiting for me?" I asked, smiling at him. He thought for a moment, perking up when he realized.

"Oh! Right - no no, I actually do have something for you!" He sprung up and paced across the room, turning a corner past the stairs. I stayed on the couch until he peaked back at me and gestured towards him - to where I sighed and eagerly ran in his direction. Brett led me down the hall to a closed door that I must have missed. His eyes looked at me before he opened the door, to reveal an empty room. He smiled big at me, looking at the room and back at my confused face, waiting for me so say something.

"Well?!" He asked.

"I…I uh.." I looked into the room deeper. "I don't get it..what is it?"

He gestured into the room like it was obvious what I was supposed to see, "How do you not see it?!"

"There's nothing there!" I yelled, kind of frustrated, but still smiling.

"Oh..wait, I think I know." He said quietly. He moved in close to hold my face in his hands. He didn't kiss me right away, causing my breath to catch in my throat. My body moved forward against his in surprise from his touch, but soon it melted to the floor as his lips met mine, and he tilted my head up with one of his fingers.

Brett let go of me, but keeping his closeness as he smiled into my eyes.

"Goodmorning gorgeous." He whispered, petting my head.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Monday again, and so far, everything was going smoothly. Nothing seemed to be bothering my mind, which hasn't been the case for a while now. The bell rang as I quickly made my way into Chemistry, rushing to sit down at my table before the teacher saw my almost-tardiness. She looked around the room - a one glance - and then marked things down onto a paper. I sighed slowly, unpacking my notebook out of my bag. I looked over to my left to see the chair next to me empty. My ears picked up, making my head spin around the classroom in search of Jordan, but she was not there. I slouched back down in my seat, disgruntled. My mouth shifted to the side while I sat there in my spot, but then slowly resuming unpacking my things.

"Everyone open to page 254, and work on problems.." The teacher recited. I routinely opened my book, glancing over at the door every so often, hopping to see feet walking into the door. At one point, someone did enter, but my excitement subsided when it was just one of the new receptionists delivering a note to my teacher. The class went by slowly, and without the constant presence of Jordan, my mind was left at a blank the whole time – and I am positive that I did not learn a thing. The only next pleasant face was that of my sister's, but I didn't see her all the way until lunch time, 4 classes later. We didn't have any classes together otherwise – we hadn't been in the same school room together for years, so it was nice to be able to see her by lunch.

I sat down at our usual table and pulled my bag lunch out of my backpack, where Tegan arrived shortly after and did the same. Our mother always had encouraged us to bring lunch, and only recently had we gotten in the routine of actually doing it. I liked bringing my own food though; you could choose exactly what you wanted that day and there was no worry about not getting the food you wanted because you didn't get to the line quick enough. Tegan still complained though; always saying it was a hassle to get up 20 minutes earlier than she normally did. Now she still looked mad, pulling out the flimsily done peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glare.

"What the fuck Sara?" She growled, holding up the dripping sandwich. I raised an eyebrow, shifting in my seat, acting like I had no idea what she was referring to. "What ever do you mean my dear sister?" I asked, as sarcastically 50's as I could.

"This!" she yelled, shaking the sandwich,"Don't fucking mess with me!" Tegan actually smiled a bit, losing her anger but still being frustrated with me. This morning, she had asked me to make her food since she was too lazy to get up and do it herself. I didn't do a very good job to her standards – even though I half assed it on purpose. I was pleased with her reaction. "That's what you get for being lazy." I winked. She blew air out of the side of her mouth, blowing her hair out of her face. I giggled loudly, hiding behind my sandwich when she threw the paper bag at me.

**. ** **.** **.**

The bench in the quad was hard and uncomfortable, but it was the only place to sit out here; it was the place Jordan usually sat at after school. I had been waiting here for the past half an hour after school, pretending to do homework or look busy so people could stop starring at me. After the time passed, Jordan still never showed up. I stood up and sighed, collecting my things and making it towards the front gates of my school. Why wasn't she here? It's not like she was sick – she seemed fine the other day. Maybe she had family issues or something. "Oh well I guess, she'll probably be back tomorrow" I breathed out quietly to myself.

A week went by, and still I did not have a lab partner to be with in 1st period. I was starting to get nervous now – well, I had been all week – but now it was just getting ridicules. I was trying to think back to the last thing that I saw of Jordan. She seemed in fine standing physically, but with my paranoid mind stuck on her, I couldn't help remembering her ex boyfriend that seemed to be following her; for whatever reason that may be. He scared me, and even though Jordan seemed to be able to hold her own against him – he could still do something. I don't know what, but something. Something that could hurt her. I felt sweat form on the side of my face as I played with my fingers on my bed. I had been laying there all afternoon, lost in thought about what could have come with this girl. My eyes followed the twirl of the fan blades, watching them spin in the air above me – wondering what would happen if they suddenly fell. I wondered how bad that would hurt.

The next day, Tuesday, I slowly made my way down the sidewalk towards the campus of my school. The wind blew lightly, but otherwise the sun kept my skin warm. I didn't feel warm though, not at all. The bitter taste in my mouth hadn't gone away in days, and I was starting to hate it. All I wanted to know was what had happened to Jordan. No one just stops going to school like that unless something bad had happened. I kicked a rock on the sidewalk into the street as I walked, pacing up to the corner in front of the school gates. My eyes mindlessly turned to the side to where I saw a familiar face. But this wasn't what I was expecting to see – it was on a piece of paper, taped to the brick wall by my school. My lips pursed in question as I approached it, and soon the bitter taste in my mouth grew 10 fold with my heart as it beat faster than I've ever felt it beat before.

The piece of paper depicted a picture of Jordan, with in big black letters above the image read "MISSING". There was a phone number to call under her name, and a description of what she was last seen wearing. I quickly pulled out my phone without another thought and dialed the number on the piece of paper, shaking violently as I raised my cell up to my ear. It beeped 3 times before a man's voice answered. "Hello?" he asked.

"Yes hi, I saw a poster about Jordan – she's missing?"

"Yeah?" He asked, taking me back a moment on his tone. He seemed frustrated with me. It also sounded like he had something in his mouth.

"Well…Do you know what happened to her?" I asked, looking around me.

"How the fuck should I know – she's missing. That means I don't know where she is dipshit." He cursed at me. I lowered my brow at the phone. "It was just a fucking question." I hissed into the phone, "Who the fuck is this anyway?"

The line went dead. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the blinking number. I bit my lip as I looked back up at the poster, wondering if the man on the phone was actually looking for Jordan for the reasons I wanted to believe.


	15. Chapter 15

What if she doesn't come back? What if I never see her again? I don't know how I'd be able to handle that. But…somehow, I feel like that it'd be good for me if I didn't see her again. That sounds so bad, but it's what was going through my mind now. Even though I've had my second thoughts with Brett, we finally were together in a way that I feel terrible about wanting Jordan. I loved Brett, but I also loved Jordan; not in the way of "I love you and I want to spend the rest if my life with you" kind I love, but more so just the idea of her. She was bad for me; she was something I didn't want to get into. But she was so sweet and she made me feel things that Brett never has made me feel, and somehow I just couldn't turn that up.  
"Sara!" Tegan yelled at me.  
"Oh- oh what?!" I stuttered, shaking my head out of my thoughts.  
"You keep fucking zoning out; I'm trying to figure out what to do here!" She pointed out the car windshield at an intersection up ahead. I looked around, realizing again what we were doing.  
"Oh..right sorry." I muttered, looking around at the road. I couldn't figure out where we were for a second, but it came to me after a short moment. "Turn right at the light."  
"Right?" She asked.  
"Right." I assured. Tegan turned her blinker on and groaned as she cut across 3 lanes to get to the corner. We turned a few more times, accidentally running a stop sign at one point, but we reached our destination. Tegan turned off the car and we both stepped out onto the sidewalk, locking the doors behind us.  
"This is the place?" Tegan asked me, looking up at the building with her hand shading her eyes. I smiled up and down at my favorite coffee shop, and started walking towards the door as I answered.  
"I know it isn't much, but it's a nice place."

I told Tegan to go get a table while I ordered, and when I sat down across from her with two cups of jasmine brew, she gave me a strange look.  
"What?" I asked.  
She kept her sleepy eyes on the crème swirls in the cup, "What is it? Is it good?" She asked.  
"Of course it's good!" I smiled, bringing my cup up to my nose, taking a slow whiff of the delicate aroma. "It's my favorite."  
I took a slow sip of the smooth coffee, feeling a longing shiver run down my spine.  
"Try it." I quietly gestured. Tegan eyed her cup that had a flower design in it from the crème.

"I don't really like very…fancy coffees, I'm more of a basic ty-"

"Just try it." I groaned, interrupting Tegan's argument.

Her hands hesitantly grasped the cup, taking a slow sip. Her lips hovered around the rim of the buffed china cup after she took a small sip. I leaned forward with hopeful eyes, waiting for a response from my sister. She looked up at me, smiling a little bit.  
"Well?" I asked.  
She lowered the coffee down back onto the table, "I like it.."

I smirked proudly, "I knew you would.."

Tegan and I chatted all afternoon while at the coffee shop, catching up on things we've been meaning to talk about and sharing new things that are on our minds. We had just finished a discussion about how we hated the way our mother folded the towels in the cabinet, and now we sat in silence. I spun my spoon around in the small remains of my cold coffee, taking in the scent of old newspaper and wet wood. This place had good coffee, but I mainly came here for the smells.

"Soo.." Tegan began, scooting a morsel of sugar around on the table with her finger.

"Hm?" I made a noise of question.

She shifted her mouth, looking very interested in the sugar on the table, "I'd like to know more about this…Jordan girl."

I didn't take my eyes off of my spoon, but I felt my forehead move up. I didn't want to answer her question – but also I didn't really know how. There wasn't much to say about her, but at the same time I could go on for hours and hours about the littlest detail. "What about her?" I asked.

Tegan picked her hands up and intertwined them together, resting them on the table, "I don't know – I'm still just kinda confused about that night a while ago. Why were you guys at that house?"

I wanted to start out with saying "Well, ya see..", but I couldn't just start the story like that. It was a delicate topic, and I wasn't sure how Tegan would handle it. Not so much the facts about being attacked by that man, but more so Jordan herself. Yes Tegan already knew I had a small crush on Jordan, but to think that I actually _kissed_ her is a whole nother topic. There's a thin line between talking and acting, and I hated the thought of Tegan looking at me differently if I told her the truth. I just hoped that because she was my sister that she would be more understanding, but she's still just a person – no matter what connection she had with me.

But also, I didn't want to at all be on the subject of Jordan. She was gone for now – to places I had no idea where she was. I was scared, and I didn't want her face floating through my mind again. I had thoughts of her all morning but Tegan was able to drag me away from her while we had light conversation, but now she was the one who brought her back, and I felt my whole body become solid. I didn't even notice the new smell of a man's tea as he walked by.

I found that my hand had stopped moving the spoon, but now my pointer finger was just lightly circling the rim of the cup – I had no memory of transitioning like that. "We just…" I began, "I don't know, we wanted to go somewhere." I looked up at Tegan, who didn't look the slightest bit swayed. Kind of like a "bullshit" look.

"Somewhere? Really? That's all you have to say?" She barked, leaning back.

"Look Tegan!" I yelled a little too loudly. A few people sitting near us looked in my direction, making me turn my head away to avoid their eyes. "Tegan…" I repeated, much more quiet this time, "I really don't want to talk about Jordan right now…it's just that she's-"

"Missing?" Tegan asked. "Yeah, I know." I pricked my eyes up to look at her neutral face. She didn't seem at all bothered by those words, but how can she just say them without worry?

"You know about that?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course I do. It's kind of the talk of the school – there's posters everywhere you know." She gestured in my direction, "Well you probably already knew about that."

I dropped my eyes to the table. I didn't exactly know that everyone at school was talking about it, but I was quite sure that her absence hadn't gone unseen.

"Do you know anything about where she is?" I asked. Tegan looked at me strangely, "Not really no – I was thinking that you did, since you guys seemed to be so close."

I sucked in my lip, thinking back to when I last saw her at school. She seemed fine – just kind of tired. My eyes wandered around the coffee shop aimlessly, but my brain hit a spark when I realized I recognized something. I immediately thought I was seeing Jordan, being as that was the only person I wanted to find – but it wasn't her. And it wasn't anyone that I wanted to see either. This person was someone I undoubtfully recognized, and I felt my face twitch when I recognized him as the man from the ally – the unhealthy relationship.


	16. Chapter 16

He stood behind the counter, happily making a cup of coffee for a customer waiting nearby. I knew it was him, it had to be. But he looked so innocent and young and happy - nothing like the man I saw by the ally.

"Sara?" Tegan asked, scooting over in the booth to look at my face, "You okay?"  
I kept my eyes on the man at the counter as he watched his own hands carry the hot coffee over to the counter, calling to the woman he was helping. They both smiled at each other, and he nodded to her when she said thank you.

"Sara?" Tegan asked again. When I looked over at her, she was more worried than confused now. I felt a tingling in the center of my spin; the kind of feeling I get when I don't know what to do. I wanted to jump up and just go punch that guy in the face for what he did to Jordan, but I had no idea if he took any part into her disappearing, but also I obviously couldn't just do that.

"Sara!" Tegan demanded, leaning close to me. I was facing her, but I realized that I was in a trance of thought and I hadn't said a word. I blinked, acknowledging her.  
"What's going on?" She asked.

I looked over at the man and back at Tegan, leaning closer to her as well in hopes to not be heard.  
"See that guy behind the counter? In the green apron?" I whispered quickly. Tegan turned her head casually to look, and when she saw him, she looked back at me, whispering as well, "Yeah? What about him?"

I sucked in my lips, pressing them against my teeth. The air in my lungs was thick, not wanting to share anything about the night of the "attack". Tegan didn't know anything about that night, and I wasn't sure how she'd react.

She moved her head to the side, opening her eyes more in a gesture of "well?".  
"He's an ex of Jordan." I said softly. Tegan just stared at me with her mouth open. She kept that face still, waiting for me to comply.

"He's dangerous!" I eased.  
She shook her head, looking around at the table, "What…does that mean?"  
I felt angry now because I wanted her to understand that he was a threat, "He's dangerous!" I gritted, "He could have hurt her!" I gestured with my arm towards him, "He could have-" I looked over to where he was, but no one was there. With my arm still extended, it slightly lowered as I looked around the small coffee shop.

"He could have what?" Tegan asked, looking at me. I didn't even understand why I didn't see him; he had been right there! Where did he go?! I turned my head to look out the window by us, and I saw him. He was walking towards a car with his apron in his hands, reaching for his keys in his pocket.  
I turned back to Tegan, and without thinking, I jumped up from the booth and grabbed her by the arm. "We need to go." I demanded. Tegan stood up with me, following me out the door, but as we paced she kept calling me name. I ignored her, demanding her to get her keys out and get in our car. She complied.  
When we had the car started, I arched my head to look out the back window and saw the old white Taurus moving down the street, Jordan's ex driving.

"Follow that car." I growled out, pointing at it as it moved down the street. Tegan hesitated before following my order, but almost right away the car was shifted into reverse, and we moved forward towards the car. Tegan kept a good distance from him, driving far enough not to look suspicious. My eyes were so focused on the car that I didn't even realize that I was biting my nails, which were being resolved to nubs by the second.

Tegan was focused on the road when her words spoke from her lips, "What exactly is going on?" She asked, flexing her hands on the steering wheel. I thought about her question for a moment, and honestly I didn't even know myself. This guy could just be some jerk that Jordan broke up with a long time ago, and the incident a week or so ago was just a bad run-in. I had no way of knowing if he knew where she was, but I saw my opportunity to find out, and took it. Now that everything was happening this way, I was realizing how odd the situation must look to my sister.

"I think this guy might have something to do with Jordan going missing." I stated simply. She was silent for a moment, processing my words and creating an answer. I could tell she was also doubting me, but she usually saw things my way even if she disagreed – that's how everything usually turned out between us.

"Do you know that for sure?" She asked, turning her head to look at me for only a second.

"No." I breathed out.

She didn't say anything. But she kept driving – she kept following the car. We followed him in silence for about 10 minutes as he winded his way through the surface streets all the way across town, and finally to a dark neighborhood. My eyes kept darting back from the car over to Tegan, who had kept the same expression on her face the entire car ride. She was so serious – almost contempt actually. I wondered what she was thinking; was she cursing me for making her do this; did she not even care because she had nothing better to do? I wondered what was running through her mind so badly, but I probably wouldn't ever know.

As I watched her, her face changed slightly, raising her eyebrows a bit. Her head gestured forward, not noticing that I was already watching her. "Sara." she said. I turned my head forward to see the car in front of us with it's brake lights on, slowing down to begin a turn into a drive way.

"Keep going; we can pull over up there." I said, not looking out my window as we passed the other car. We pulled around a corner that was hidden by an overgrown tree, and slowed the car to a stop. Tegan pulled the key out of the ignition, and sighed, leaning back in her chair facing me.

"Now what?" She asked.

I looked out the window at the dark street, and turned back to my sister who was only partly lit by the glow of the radio lights. "We wait." I uttered.


	17. Chapter 17

Two hours of night went by as Tegan and I sat in the car. I had gotten out a few times to peak around the corner and see if the house lights were off yet, but they never were. His car never left the driveway either. We both sat in silence, only listening to the sounds of crickets, and the occasional sound of either of us swallowing.

Tegan sighed slowly, making me look up at her. "What?" I asked. Tegan kept her eyes still, looking blankly at something by the gear shift. She twitched her fingers a bit, moving her eyes up to look at the clock.

"I don't know.." She sighed, "It's almost midnight.."  
I shifted my mouth to the side, looking over at the blue clock as well, "Yeah…I know." It was getting so late, and we hadn't established anything of what we were going to do while we had sat here. The night was getting darker, and I felt the same way towards my hopes of figuring out what was going on.  
"You wanna explain this to me now?" Tegan asked, breaking through the silence. I looked up at her, feeling her eyes on me as she watched me from across the car.

"Explain what?" I asked, stalling.  
"You know what I mean."

Of course I did. She wanted to know why we were sitting here; why this man was so important to me. I still didn't have a thorough reason though, and I still didn't know how to explain it to Tegan. Part of me was saying, "Just tell her! What's the big deal?! It's not like she'll be mad at you!", but at the same time, the other part was whispering, "Don't say anything. If you wait it out you may be able to go around it and not have to say a word."

Sadly, the second half was winning, no matter how much I just wanted to tell Tegan. I kept my mouth shut, not answering her. I couldn't really see her face, but I saw her head roll backwards.  
"Sara…this is getting insane." She began, "You need to talk to me! I'm here for you - literally! Look where we are!" She gestured around with her hands. "I fucking drove with you all the way out here and I have no fucking idea what's going on! What you- can I, just-"

She stopped talking and sighed as she placed her hand over her forehead. I felt so bad about putting her through this; making her feel so lost. I needed to somehow say something to her, but what? What could I say?

"We should go check on his house again." I said without thinking.  
"Fuck?" She asked, oddly. She shook her head, getting even more mad, "Fuck Sara, that's not the point!"  
"YES IT IS!" I yelled back at her.  
"REALLY? Is it?! Tell me then, tell me - what is the point to all of this?!"  
I could barely speak, tripping over my words as a million things ran through my head, "I - I, she"  
"She what Sara?! WHAT IS IT?"  
"I LOVE HER!" I screamed. I felt a rush through the back of my head and spine, making me bolt out 3 words that I didn't mean to say.

Tegan went silent, realizing what I had just said. If only I could have taken those words back, but I couldn't. They held in the air over our heads, repeating over and over again until they hurt my ears.  
"I…I mean-" My voice was shocked, too cold to say anything. "I didn't mean that.." I whimpered.

But I did mean it, and Tegan still said nothing. I saw her arms relax a bit, but her face didn't turn away from me. I wanted her to say something - anything that would reassure me.

"Did you?" She asked quietly. I raised my head to look at Tegan. Considering how bright the car lights were, they were stopping my eyes to adjust to the darkness, making me still not be able to distinctively see her facial expression. My words had already been said, so there was no point in hiding it anymore. Tegan deserved to know what my feelings were.  
"Yes.." I breathed out.

Tegan leaned forward to be closer to me, causing my eyes to be able to see her face. Her expression surprised me, being filled with sadness and concern. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.  
I looked away from her, shrugging my shoulders a bit, "I…don't know…I just thought.." I turned to look at her again, "I thought you would reject me."

Tegan's mouth gaped, and her eyes went wide. She rushed me, wrapping her arms around my back and squeezing me close to her. "Sara, I'm your sister - I would never do anything like that to you." She gave me another squeeze before sliding her hands on top of my shoulders and pulling her head back to look at me. "I don't care what kind of people you like; all I care about is if you're happy." She smiled a little bit, "I want you to be happy Sara.."  
"Thank you.." I whispered. I wanted to cry, but my eyes held back the tears in desperation, not wanting to let my sister see me so vulnerable. We went silent then again, and now that I could see Tegan looking at me, it was much harder to keep the silence. I wanted to thank her a million more times for accepting my words, but I knew that I couldn't just say it, and I couldn't show my full gratitude here.

"Tegan.." I began. She shushed me though, smiling a little bit. "Let's go check on the house; it's been a while since we last looked." I nodded slowly at her, collecting my head as I reached for the door handle and stepped out of the car. The bitter night was becoming frosty, and the goosebumps on my skin perked up when we left the heat of the car. Tegan and I made our way to the corner of the street, peering around the side of the large tree. No lights were on at any of the houses on the street, and our friend's car was still in the drive way. Tegan looked over at me, realizing we reached another checkpoint that had not fully been crossed. "Now what?" She asked, hushly.

I looked up at her, and then back to the dark house. I didn't answer with words, but rather a silent commenced walk towards the house. As I walked, I turned my head to see that Tegan was following me, and when we were on the front lawn, we stopped. We had no idea what we were doing, but the small tingle in the center of my skull made me come to this conclusion: Jordan was in that house, and I just hoped that it was right.


	18. Chapter 18

Our silent footsteps crept around the side of the house, being careful to watch for any movement lights or cameras. Once we were in the backyard, Tegan began to hesitate her movements.

"Tegan!" I whispered, "Come on!"

She stood against a corner of the house as I kept moving towards the back door. Her hands gripped the corner, not wanting to move. I walked back over to her, checking my back before talking to her.

"Tegan.."

"What do you even think is in there?" She asked.

I could tell that she was scared now, not really questioning the fact that we were doing this, but rather the motivation to.

I gripped her arms, trying to cover our words to just each other, "Jordan's in there. I know it, and if she isn't then I know something in there will help us find her."

She set her jaw, staring seriously at me before nodding quickly. I squeezed her arm in response, turning back around to approach the back door again. I placed my ear up against the solid, white wood - trying to listen into the house. There was an odd buzzing sound coming from inside, but nothing else. It was a very low tone, maybe some kind of machine. I decided to take my chances that the sound was nothing human, so I wrapped my hand around the handle of the metal doorknob, counting my seconds before twisting my hand to open it. The door was locked. I turned my head to look at Tegan, and she understood what I meant. She gestured towards a window a few feet away, shrugging as if "Why not?".

My teeth sank into my bottom lip when I moved over to the window, placing my hands on the rim of the window sill, but when I tried to slide it up, it didn't budge. I tried it a few more times with more force than the last, holding in my frustrated grunting. Each time, the window just creaked slightly, not having any future of being opened.

We were spending too much time in this backyard. A neighbor could hear our commotion or even the man who lives here could have heard us by now. We needed to either figure out how to get inside now, or go back to the car and decide there. But we had already broken into the property, so the thing we needed to do now was just get into the house and take cover.

Tegan's eyes went wide, realizing something. I mouthed the word "what?" to her, and she waved me over to her franticly. I paced over to her, and she reached up into my hair and started tugging at it. I squirmed, unsure of what she was doing.

"What-fuck Tegan!-"

"SHHhh!" She hissed. Her fingers wrapped around one section of my bangs that were being held up by a bobby pin, plucking the plastic from my hair. She had the bobby pin in front of my face, smirking lightly.

I didn't understand what she was doing until she started towards the door - and a smile grew on my face.

She quietly jammed the pin into the lock of the door, getting down onto her knees to hold her face close to the door knob, watching her pace. I stood behind her in the shadows, anxiously watching my sister pick the lock, and within seconds, I heard a distinctive "click" sound of the lock tumbling open, and then the cocky look of Tegan as she turned back to me. Impressed, yes, but I had no time to congratulate her on her "amazing skills at lock picking" - we needed to get inside and start searching.

I rushed to the door, turning the door knob and grinning internally when it opened. The door creaked slightly, making me halt my movements for only a second. My feet stepped over the edge and into the house, quietly being followed by Tegan. Once we were inside, we closed the door behind us and took in the look of the house. It was dark, but I could see that we were in the kitchen, which was rather small as it seemed. The buzzing sound I had initially heard earlier was coming from the fridge; possibly the ice maker or the light starting to burn out. In front of us, past the counters was the living room. The couch against the wall was shredded in the bottom left corner, and before I could ask myself why it was so torn, I saw it. A dog. A large, muscular, dark haired dog slept in the center of the living room in front of the old TV. It looked huge in comparison, and I didn't even want to know how big I was when it was standing up.

I turned to look at Tegan, whose eyes had already found the dog as well. I stared at her and she stared back at me. Our eyes were silent, but I knew that she was screaming. I gestured to the right with my head, but she shook her head no. I shrugged exaggeratedly, pointing down the hall to our right. Tegan just stared at me, but finally nodded and pushed me towards the hallway. We crept across the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible. As I walked past the corner of the counter, my arm pushed against something metal. Before I could react, the pressure of my arm knocked it off of the counter and hit the floor with a crash. It banged and clanged against the tile floor, making Tegan and I jump and try to pick up the object to stop its obnoxious blaring. My hands wrapped around the metal to discover that it was a frying pan.

I slid my hands up the handle, cursing quietly at it. We both looked over into the living room to see that the dog had its ears perked up, slowly rising to its feet.

"Go!" Tegan hissed, pushing me towards the hallway. I didn't have time to put the frying pan back, so I clutched it to my chest as I lead Tegan and me down the hallway. We didn't bother letting out feet stay quiet, only worried about the jaws of a dog following close behind.

As we ran, I turned another corner to reveal a dead end to the hallway. We couldn't waste time turning back around; we had no idea how close the dog was. Tegan went past me and opened the door, and before I could argue, she pushed me into the dark room and closing the door behind her. The room was tiny, maybe a closet of some sorts, and shirts dangled on a rod above our heads.

"Tega-" I tried to begin before she threw her hand over my mouth. I went silent, gripping the cold metal in my hands. Tegan put her ear to the door, listening closely.

"I...I don't hear anything..." She whispered.

Suddenly a horrible scratching erupted from the wooden door, making both of us jump back, pressing ourselves against the wall. A sweat bead fell from my forehead, and Tegan's hand over my mouth was trembling. The scratching grew louder and deeper, and soon a growling spread into our ears. Them a bark, and second one - and soon a howl that was louder than one I'd ever heard before. The dog was alerting his owner of our presence. I was so temped to open the door and slam the frying pan over the head of the dog to make it stop barking, but it was a pretty big dog. Bigger than something I could handle.

Tegan pulled me against her, petting me head as she hid her eyes behind me. I was so scared, but by the way Tegan was trembling - I knew she was even more terrified than I was.

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN DOG!" A man called from somewhere inside the house. My body pressed up against the back wall, trying to get as far away from the door as possible. Tegan's hand uncovered my mouth and slide to grip my arm, squeezing it so tight that I felt like she was going to cut off my circulation.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked the dog, sounding closer than he was before, "It's a fucking closet!" His footsteps grew louder, and when he spoke again, he sounded like he was just outside the door, "Shut the fuck up!"

The dog continued to bark, scratching at the edge of the closet door. He must have kicked the dog or something, because it wined out loudly, moving away from the door.

"Alright, Alright!" The man growled, "If you're not gonna shut up; you're gonna go outside!" The dog barked again, and the man yelled something that didn't even sound like words back at it. He mumbled something to himself as he went farther away from the door, and the dog's barking faded away down the hall.

I let out a sigh, moving Tegan back from her hiding. Her face was swollen with tears, and her hiccupping slowed as I kept my eyes on her. I held her arm, keeping her close to me as we waiting for the man to go back to bed.

Again, we waited for him to fall asleep, but this time he wasn't the one who did not know what was going on - it was us. Tegan breathed out ice next to me, whipping her eyes. I squeezed her arm, sighing quietly.


	19. Chapter 19

Footsteps around the house continued for about 10 minutes, but were soon followed by a slam of a door, sounding like is came from the far end of the hall - probably his bedroom. We still stood in the cramped closet, and Tegan had collected herself during that time. The silence wasn't that hard to deal with, considering so many things were running through my head, and probably the same was for Tegan.

"Turn your phone off." Tegan said suddenly. I looked up at her, confused.

"Turn it off? What why?"

"The light from your phone is going to attract his attention."

I looked down at my pocket where my phone was, and nothing was light up. "Tegan, my phone isn't on."

She looked around at the floor, her brow narrowed.

"What the hell? Then where's the light coming from?"

"Uh...maybe the house? He could have left a light on.." I was starting to loose my 'whisper' as I became more comfortable with the quiet house.

"No, it's not coming from the door.." Tegan put her hand up to her mouth, tapping her lips lightly. I didn't understand what she was inferring, so I just watched her, waiting for her to realize that there weren't any lights on in the closet.

Tegan got down on her knees and started digging around in the junk on the floor, moving things aside and picking up objects.

"Tegan!" I hissed, "Stop messing with his stuff! He might notice something's been up!"

"Hold on." She muttered.

"Tegan!"

"HOld on!" She gritted, turning her head back to glare at me. Her mind was on edge, and it was best to just leave her be and do whatever the fuck that she was doing.

"Look." She whispered. I turned my head down to look at the wall, and didn't see anything but old clothes and a few shoe boxes. I shrugged my arms, accidentally tapping the frying pan against the wall, "I don't see anything."

Waving her hand at me, I got down on my knees like her and arched my head in between the clothes and damp smell.

"Ya see?" She asked again.

I narrowed my eyes, only slightly noticing a small beam of light against the wall.

"I guess.."

"Maybe something's back there."

I turned my head, "In a closet?"

She stretched her fingers out, brushing them against the wall, "Maybe."

This was getting ridiculace. She was resorting to thinking that there was some hidden passage way or some secret room in some drugged out junkie's closet. Who knew what we were even sitting on, or what was dangling above our heads - but by the odd smell of chemicals and wet wood - I didn't want to know. The more I thought about it the more pins and needles stabbed into the palm of my hand.

Tegan's hand pressed against the wall, pushing on the white plaster. The wall bent in slightly, showing signs that there wasn't any support behind it. I narrowed my eyes, watching Tegan's hand. She pressed on it again, causing the wall to creak. She turned her head to look at me, and her silent eyes asked me what I thought. I reached my own hand out in response, pressing against the wall myself. The light beaming from the wall was becoming more distinctive now that I knew it was there, and when I pressed on the wall, the light shined brighter for only a moment.

Tegan reached down and tapped on my frying pan, tugging at it. I held it up in front of us, and she gestured to the metal handle. I didn't understand what she was meaning by it until she pointed to the crease under the wall where the light was shining through.

None of this was making any sense to me, but I still did as Tegan wanted. I slide the metal handle underneath the wall, pushing on the edge of it to wedge the iron as far as it would go. With a slow breath, I counted in my head before heaving the pan upwards, cracking the wall horribly. The sound was vulgar, possibly too loud for my tastes. I held still, listening behind me for any movement. Tegan tapped my shoulder as in 'carry on'. My wrists flexed around the handle, getting ready for another thrust. I held the handle against the floor again, and then slammed it up against the wall – causing the wood to bend and split open, revealing the source of the light. I used the handle to knock away the wood that hung lifelessly on the wall, widening my eyes to find a long, slender crawlspace that down hilled below the house.

I turned to look at Tegan, who too was astonished by our findings. She looked as though she didn't at all think that there would be anything behind the wall.

"Maybe?" I asked, repeating her words.

She paused, smiling a little bit, "Probably." She muttered.

Even thought we had now found this strange new place, neither one of us brought up enough courage to push forward. Acknowledging this, Tegan laughed, gesturing towards the hole in the wall, "After you.."

I exchanged a glance with her before beginning to crawl into the hole. The frying pan 'clanged' loudly when it hit the metal of the tunnel, making me stop my footing, I thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to carry it without making any noise. Finally, the idea came to me and I slide the frying pan inside my shirt so that it hung inside it like a hammock.

We continued down the dark tunnel, slowly following the dim light that was coming from the other side. The tunnel proceeded downhill, probably heading down into some kind of basement. Tegan quietly shuffled through the vent behind me, making sure to be silence with her movements.

"Shh..." I whispered behind me to Tegan.

"Wh-I didn't say anything!" She declared back.

What? Of course she did, I just heard someone talk.

"Uh, yeah you did."

"No I didn't-"

"SHH!" I hissed, "I heard it again.." My ears perked up, listening slowly down the tunnel. It was very faint, but I picked up the sound of a voice talking - female - about something that I couldn't hear.

"We're close.." I whispered.

"What is it?" Tegan asked.

I thought for a moment and realized where exactly we were. My knees felt dirty and bruised, and it was probably sometime after 2 a.m. We were crawling through some strangers...I don't even know what I would've called it. A tunnel of some kind I suppose. Nothing was proven to me yet that Jordan could be found here, but my heart was the only thing that I was going off of - and I hated it for making me do this.

Finally, our movements brought us around a corner that opened up into a large room. It had hanging lights on the metal ceiling with several tables in the middle. There wasn't any type of TV or couch or anything that would resemble a comfortable basement - it felt more like a lab, or a cave. I peeked my head out into the room, scanning it for any signs of life. Tegan did the same, reaching her head around next to me.

"What is this place..? Tegan asked. I scanned the room over again, reaching into my shirt to retrieve the frying pan.

"I don't know.." I whispered as I stepped out of the tunnel and rose to my feet, "Let's look around."

Tegan followed behind me, pacing the room slowly – checking corners and for any type of cameras. I walked over to one of the tables in the middle of the room; it was covered in manila folders and typed documents. I ran my hands over all the papers, lifting them up to see what was underneath. Under one of the folders, there was a journal of some kind. It was thick, seemingly full of more than just written words. I started to unravel the string that held the covers together, letting the front page fall open in my hands. The first entry read:

"_March 8__th__, 2007_

_I was unsuccessful this time. I couldn't get any more of what I needed, and I'm starting to run out of options. I need to look for a –"_

"SARA!" Tegan screeched from across the room. I fumbled the book in my hands, accidently dropping it to the ground as I jumped at the call of my sister. I immediately started running in the direction of the yell of Tegan. I ran around a few file cabinets and turned a corner to find Tegan crouched in front of a chair. Sitting in the chair was a red headed girl, bound tightly to the backing.

"Jordan.." I breathed out as I walked behind Tegan to see the girls face, but when both our eyes met; I unbearably realized that the face I was looking at wasn't Jordan's.


	20. Chapter 20

"Jordan..?" I whispered as I stared at the face of a girl who wasn't the one I was looking for.

"Who are you?" Tegan asked, placing her hands on the edge of the chair. The girl was badly bruised on her face and legs, and her clothes were ripped in different spots. Her red hair was frizzed, and mascara was dripping from her left eye. This girl had been through a lot, more than I even wanted to know.

"Cindy..." The girl breathed out in a hushed tone, "I'm Cindy.."

"What happened to you?" Tegan asked, looking her up and down.

She closed her eyes, too nervous to talk to us. "I...I..." She looked down.

"Here, hold on." Tegan whispered, standing up and walking around behind the chair, fiddling with the rope around her hands.

Cindy's eyes found mine and we both just stared at each other while Tegan worked with the rope. Her face was begging me for answers, but I couldn't give any when all I wanted were them myself. I wanted to know why this girl was here, and why she was trapped here. Where was Jordan? Was this girl captured by the man like Jordan was? What did he do to her?

"Erm-eh-almost there.." Tegan cringed, tugging at the rope. The girl winced every so often at Tegan's pull, but finally she managed to break Cindy free.

"There ya go.." Tegan breathed as she pulled the rope away and walked back in front of Cindy. Tegan turned the rope over in her hands, looking at the complex knots that were still entangled in the ropes threads. The girl pulled her hands around from behind her, rubbing them with the other hand in her lap.

They were bleeding - her wrists. And I wasn't convinced the rope was tied so tight that they made her bleed; her hands went through trauma, and it enraged me to know how much pain she was in; how much pain a person could but another in for no good reason.

"It's okay.." Tegan whispered as she knelt down and hugged the girl, "It's okay; we're not going to hurt you."

Tegan was such a mother to people - she was so caring. No matter who they were to her, she took care of them. And now here we are, probably just as scared as this Cindy was, in yet Tegan has taken it upon herself to make sure this girl feels safe.

Cindy hugged Tegan back, wrapping her arms around her. Still I sat away from both of them, only watching - not speaking. I honestly didn't know what I would say - Tegan seemed to have this under control.

"He took me.." Cindy stuttered out.

"What?" Tegan asked, pulling away from the hug to look at her.

"Him...the guy who lives here..." She swallowed the lump in her throat, holding her eyes at the floor before locking them into Tegan's, "He brought me here...maybe a week ago?" She sucked in her lips. "It's felt like that at least."

She turned to look at me then, "You said Jordan."

My ears perked up at the name, "What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"When you ran to me I heard you say the name 'Jordan' right?"

"Uhm...yeah, I guess."

Cindy looked at the floor near me, not saying anything. I couldn't just let that question hover in the air; I needed to know why she brought that up.

"Do you know anything about her?" I asked as I stood up to walk closer to Cindy. She nodded her head, swallowing again.

"She was taken here just like me. She left last night."

"Left?" Tegan asked.

"What do you mean by that?" I pushed.

Cindy switched her eyes between Tegan and me, trying to find her words.

"I don't know...she was here yesterday, but when it was night time she was taken away."

She's not here. But she was, and I missed her. I'm so fucking stupid - why didn't I come earlier? Why didn't I think of coming to find her when I had the chance?!

"Where did she go?" I asked harshly, standing in front of the chair. Cindy didn't know how to answer that, and when there was silence to my standing question, I leaned forward, bracing my hands on the wooden chair. "WHERE IS SHE?!" I yelled, looking around at the girl's scared face. Tegan reached up and put her hand on my shoulder, but I shook her off as I put both of my hands on Cindy's shoulders. I couldn't help my screaming, but I needed to know. I had to.

"WHERE DID THEY TAKE JORDAN?! WHERE DID THEY-"

"SARA! STOP IT!" Tegan screamed from behind me, grabbing me from my back and yanking me off of Cindy and throwing me to the ground. My body hit the concrete floor hard, making my head rebound on it. I hovered there for a few seconds, waiting for the ringing from impact to stop.

"GET YOURSELF TOGETHER SARA!" Tegan yelled at me, "THIS ISN'T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING."

I started to get up, and Tegan walked over to my side, kneeling down next to my face. "This girl is injured - she's scared, and getting in her face like that isn't going to get what you want. You need to stop, and go find something to do while I help her."

"But-" I started to argue.

"Fucking do it." She hissed at me.

Tegan shot needles into me with her glare, watching me before rising back to her feet and walking back up to the terrified Cindy, who now was crying softly into her hands, perching her feet up on the chair. Tegan placed her hands on Cindy's face, quietly reassuring her of her presence. As I stood up, they hugged tightly. I couldn't hear what they were saying - probably the way Tegan wanted it.

Rubbing the back of my head, I walked back over to the table I originally was at, picking up the journal I had dropped to the floor. I looked at the passage I was at, but then started flipping thought he rest of the journal. Each page was filled with sloppy words, but as I flipped, I came to a page that had 3 pictures on it. The first picture was of a house, not the house we were in. An arrow pointed to the picture that read "Her house". The second picture was of a fence that had one of its planks broken. Another arrow pointed to it that read "opening". And the third picture was an odd one; it was of a table, outside. There was no arrow pointing to this picture, but words were written under all three pictures that read, "Girl #4 likes to read - possibly dangerous though"

I felt the book in my hands, turning back to the page before it, reading over the words to see if it gave any indication to who "girl #4" was. Sadly, I didn't find anything - all that the words gave to me were confusing nonsense - like it was talking in code. I put the journal down into the frying pan that was sitting on the table, moving around the room behind me. I scanned over all the walls, looking at the different cabinets that lined them, and different books and boxes that sat on the floor. As I looked at a framed picture several different houses, a hand firmly grabbed my shoulder, making me jump and shriek in response.

"Sara- it's me!" Tegan hushed me. I breathed out a sound of relief, feeling my heart pound in my chest. She patted my shoulder, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"What is it?" I asked, trying to catch my breath, holding my hand over my chest.

"I think we should get going; Cindy is calmed down, and I don't like the thought of staying here much longer."

"But what if there's other girls trapped in here?" I asked, looking past Tegan to see a flimsy Cindy pacing in slow circles near the chair we found her in.

"I already asked Cindy about that; she said she doesn't know of anyone else."

I starred at Tegan, and after looking back over at Cindy, I nodded. Tegan squeezed my shoulder, turning back around and pacing over to Cindy, who she then gestured towards me and smiled. Cindy nodded, following Tegan over to where I was standing.

"Let's go." Tegan commanded.

I look around at the room, and then at the vent we originally came here through. "Is there a better way out of her?" I asked, turning around to scan over the cabinets and other walls.

"There's a door over there-" Cindy pointed behind us, "-that the guy goes in and out of when he comes in here. That probably can get us to the house."

"Alright, let's try it." Tegan said, turning around and grabbing Cindy by the hand to lead her towards the door. I started walking with them before I realized my hands were empty, which prompted me to rush back to the table and pick up the frying pan. The journal still sat inside it, and hesitating first, I picked up the leather backed book as well and ran over to Tegan and Cindy.

We all approached a metal door that was rusty and seemed to blend in with the wall. "This is the door." Cindy assured. Tegan reached out and turned the door knob slowly, but it didn't budge. She turned her head back to look at both Cindy and me, and then tried to turn the knob again.

"It's locked." Tegan grumbled.

"No it's not." Cindy said, pushing past Tegan to approach the door. She put both of her hands on the knob, and with a second breath, twisted it as hard as she could, causing the knob to crack vociferously. Pieces of old, rusty metal fell from Cindy's hands when she loosened her grip, and then turned her head to smile at both of us.

"He always has trouble with this door." Cindy winked, smirking proudly. She turned the handle, opening the door and striding through it. I looked over at Tegan to see that she had her mouth hanging open, and when she caught my eye, she smiled so large I could see both sets of her teeth.

We pushed forward through the door into a dark, skinny hall. It was too dark to see at all anything in front of us, and our cell phones weren't bright enough to help. As we walked, we passed boxes and crates on the ground every so often, as well as a chair at one point.

"Wait." Tegan whispered. She stopped walking, putting out her arms in front of both of us. She squinted her eyes, looking out into the darkness ahead of us.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…but" she paused, stepping forward a little bit, "I think this tunnel…forks off."

"What?" I asked, moving passed Tegan. I walked forward about ten feet before I could see the corner of a wall, and when I backed up, I noticed that there were indeed, now two separate tunnels.

"Shit.." I whispered.


	21. Chapter 21

"How the fuck does this guy have all of this?" Tegan blurted out, throwing her hands in the air. "He's a fucking looser!"

"Maybe there's more to this guy than we think.." I muttered, looking down both hallways.

"Which should we go down?" Cindy asked, leaning against Tegan.

"Should we split up?" I contemplated.

"No, that's a bad idea." Tegan stated, "We should just pick one."

We all looked down each hall, examining the dark tunnels that led... who knows where. Tegan finally stepped forward, gesturing with her arm towards the one rearing towards the left. "Let's try this one."

Our feet patted lightly in the dark and our hands swayed with our movements, connected timidly to each other. Cindy's hand was gripped tightly to mine, but Tegan's firm skin in my other barley flexed at all. It amazed me how she was taking this – she had such pose and strength - even though I was the reason we were here. She walked with determination, leading us into the oblivion that held secrets and pasts that I didn't want to discover. Before we knew it, we were standing before a metal ladder that jutted out of the floor and into the ceiling of the metal cave.

Tegan examined the ladder, pushing her hands against it; it didn't budge. She looked at both Cindy and me before climbing up the ladder herself and gesturing to us to follow. Cindy went after Tegan, and then I started to climb as well. I didn't understand why Tegan had taken such charge; it seemed only like moments ago that she was crying into my shoulder, surrounded by the depths of the closet. She was so scared and helpless, and even though I was terrified as well, I was the one who needed to take care of her. She knew that, but something changed when she discovered Cindy – I don't know what – but it was something; something that made her confident and want to be the one to take care of us.

"I'm gonna open this hatch – nobody make any noise." Tegan whispered, not looking down at us. I watched her from below as she quietly and slowly lifted the wooden door in the ceiling up. She seemed to have trouble at first, as if something we covering the door from above, but I saw moonlight shine in through the door soon enough. Hope filled my eyes that the door would be able to give us our escape out into the world, but Tegan suddenly closed the hatch closed, turning her head down to both of us.

"It's his bedroom – this opens up into the guys' room!" She franticly whispered. I didn't know what to say to that, and apparently neither did Cindy. We all just stared at each other, not saying a word as the idea of being right below a madman's bed rushed through our minds.

"This isn't going to work." Cindy stated, looking down at the floor. Tegan thought for a second, and the gestured down with her head, "She's right – let's go try the other hallway."

It took us all a few seconds to gather back on the ground, but when we were all there, we joined hand in hand again to make our way back to the fork. When we go there, we idled by the walls for a moment.

"What if there's a better way out back there?" I gestured down the hall towards the room that we found Cindy in with my frying pan, "What if there's another door?"

"There's probably isn't." Tegan said.

"But what if there is?" I asked, pushing my words.

"But there isn't Sara." Tegan hissed, glaring at me as of what I could see.

Why didn't she want to at least try? How come when I state a hypothesis, she shoots me down, but when Cindy completely changes what we do – she follows through with it? What the fuck?

I grumbled softly to myself, making it known that I had bean beaten but wasn't too happy about it. Tegan kept her glare on me before starting her feet again to proceed down the second unknown hallway. Again, at the end was a large, metal ladder. When Tegan put her feet onto it, it creaked loudly, making it obvious that this was the ladder of choice that was used by the guy. She tested it's stability, and when she had both feet on the first step and it held her weight, she moved up. When Cindy started to go up the ladder, I became uneasy with the idea of three people on it.

"I'll wait down here." I yelled quietly up to Tegan and Cindy. Tegan didn't say anything, nor did she turn around to look at me, but Cindy turned her head back with an odd look; one kind of, "Are you crazy?"

I watched from below as Tegan lifted up the hatch, waiting a second before peaking her head out through it. Out through the door, it looked dark, as if it lead into another room. Tegan turned down and whispered something to Cindy that I couldn't hear, and then they nodded at each other – moving up into the room that I couldn't see. Cindy's body disappeared above the hatch after Tegan did, and then the door slammed shut. I stood alone in the dark hallway, holding my breath.

I waited there for a long time, hoping that they would open the hatch soon. Surely they didn't think I meant 'leave me here' when I said I'd wait? Finally, right when I was about to start climbing up the ladder out of frustration, Tegan opened up the hatch and whispered down to me, "Come on up! It's safe!" I grumbled to myself as I approached the ladder and climbed up into the dark room with the assistance of Tegan.

When I reached the top, I realized we were standing in a small room that resembled a shed. Wooden shelving were all over the walls, covered in power tools and chemicals. A mower sat in the back corner, as well as brooms, rakes, and other large tools. Cindy was standing by the door of shed, looking over a light bulb that stuck out of the wall. She reached out and pulled a metal chain that dangled from it, igniting a bright light from the glass. The room lite up, and now the layers of dust among the objects were obvious.

"Looks like he hasn't used this place in months.." Tegan breathed out, looking over the room. "It's probably all just for show.." Cindy replied.

We all walked up to the door of the shed then, peering out the small square window on the wooden door. The shed was located in the backyard by what I could see, and it was in the far corner along the edge of the house. Cindy reached for the door handle, but my eyes went wide with realization and I stuck my arm out to stop her hand.

"No! Don't open the door!" I hissed. Cindy looked scared from me being close to her, and her words stuttered out quietly, "Wh-what? Why..?"

"His dog is out there." The words were bitter on my tongue, and the look on Cindy's face only made the taste worse. She pulled her hand away from the knob, keeping her eyes on me. We all had a choice now – to face the dog or the sleeping man. No way did the dog probably go asleep – there were intruders in it's house, and it probably would be awake all night.


	22. Chapter 22

It was rather cold outside in the shed - the freezing air from the night had started seeping into the room, making my toes shiver within my shoes. We had been standing in this room for a long time, trying to figure out what our best options were. We hadn't heard the dog yet, so maybe it was asleep. But then again, what would be worse: awakening a dog or its owner?

"I'm gonna go outside." I said, hardly speaking because of how quiet it was - it was somehow painful to break the density of the silence. Tegan shot me a look, setting her jaw. "Why?" She asked.

The answer seemed obvious, but I could tell that her word had slipped out due to fear. "I'm going to see where the dog is.." I responded. Neither Tegan nor Cindy said anything, just staring at me as I stood against a wall. With no argument, I proceeded across the shed to the wooden door. It was locked with a deadbolt, and when I turned it, the tumbling lock was loud and made a 'crunch' sound. I cringed with my teeth as I turned the deadbolt, leaning my forehead against the door when I had finally unlocked it fully. My eyes were squeezed closed, hoping for god's sake that the noise hadn't woken the dog.

I opened my eyes, listening closely to outside the door – I heard no movement. Someone moved behind me though, making my ears shift back and a tingle in my neck to appear. I took a breath, pushing my thumb down on the flat lock and opening the door outwards. I crept my nose out between the crack of the open door, moving incredibly slow until I had one eye exposed to the outside air. It took my eye a moment to adjust to the dark night, but soon the backyard was no longer a blur of darkness. The door of the house that we originally entered through was closed, and a dark beast sat outside it. I swallowed a lump in my throat, staring at the dog.

I seemed to have run into the same problem I had when we entered the house: what to do about a sleeping dog; seemed kind of ironic actually. We were trying to enter and now we're trying to leave.

I turned to look back at Tegan and Cindy who were already watching me. I mouthed the word "dog", and Tegan shrugged her arms up.; I then mouthed the word "door", but Tegan didn't seem to understand me so I walked up close to her, being careful that the door didn't swing and close loudly when I let go.

"The dog is by the back door." I whispered.

"Of the house?"

"Yeah."

"Is it asleep?" Cindy asked, stepping forward.

I nodded my head, waiting for them to ask any more questions before I went back to the shed door and looked back out into the yard. I scanned around the area, seeing what we could do to escape. Their backyard was up against a tall brick wall, and on the other side was a field. The dog was sleeping on a cement area that surrounded park of the house, and a table with a few beat-up chairs rested there too; one of the chairs had fallen on their side. A garden hose wheel rested against an air conditioner unit close to the shed against the house.

I contemplated maybe taking one of the chairs by the table and using it as a booster to get over the wall, but that would mean getting dangerously close to the dog. I looked around the rest of the yard, trying to find something that I possibly might have over looked – but there was nothing else. I turned around, keeping my foot between the door to prevent it from closing, and looked out into the shed. My eyes immediately looked at Tegan, whose eyes were large, half hidden by some of her hair that had fallen into her face. I looked away from her however, scanning over the small room in search of something helpful. I had already identified the obvious items, but this time I took a closer look at the shelves.

The first few items in the front that I could read were "rat poison", "Seed Fertilizer", and then some type of gasoline bottle – maybe for the mower. At the foot of the shelves were two cinderblocks. I considered all of the items at hand, but none of them seemed to be able to fit together. But then I realized something. I remembered the loud crash of the frying pan on the kitchen floor that woke the dog up, and suddenly the heaviness of the metal pan was apparent to me, as well as the journal that lay inside it. I looked down at the pan, seeing its thick metal and feeling just how heavy it actually was. And then my eyes found the lawn mower – and I came up with an idea.

"Tegan..!" I whispered, waving her over to me. She quickly made her way next to me, turning her head to hear my words. I whispered into her ear, telling her of my plan on how to escape. When I was finished, she drew back and looked at me wide eyed.

"Do you think it'll work?" Tegan asked.

"Will what work?" Cindy asked, walking up to both of us.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure it will." I ignored Cindy's question, trying to just focus on the task at hand. Tegan set her jaw, nodding at me and then walked over to the cinderblocks at the foot of the shelves. She picked one of them up, trying to be quiet not to scrape it on the floor, and then carried it over to the lawn mower. She slowly and very carefully placed it in front of the mower, making sure it was secure. She then did the same process with the other block, and then walked back over to me.

"That's good." I whispered. I looked back out into the backyard, making sure the dog was still asleep – it was.

"Okay.." I began, taking a breath, "Are you ready?"

"Ready for what..?" Cindy asked.

"Just stand back, okay?" I said rather bluntly, but she did as I asked, stepping behind me by the door.

"I'm ready." Tegan said, and I nodded at her. She walked over to the mower, standing next to it.

"On three." I whispered, plucking the journal out of the pan and placing it on the floor next to my feet. I tried opening the door inward, and it did. I swung it completely open and stepped next to the edge of the wood. Cindy grabbed my shoulder, completely confused on why I opened the door so wide.

"What are y-"

"You'll see!" I hissed, cutting her off. Her hand held on my shoulder for another second before she retracted it, backing away from me to hide against the wall. Both of my hands gripped around the handle of the frying pan as I took a deep breath.

"One.." I breathed out. Tegan bent her knees, getting ready.

"Two…" Cindy seemed to move behind me, but I didn't see what she did.

"Three!" I yelled. Tegan yanked the cord on the lawn mower, making it rumble loudly to life. It started to move forward, but slammed against the cinderblocks in front of it. To my hopes, the blocks held it in place. Tegan ran from the mower to behind me to grab onto Cindy. I heard the dog bark from the yard, and when I peered my eyes out into the yard, the dog was already rushing towards the shed.

I closed my eyes, gripping the pan as hard as I could, and when I heard the growling growing closer and closer, so close that I knew it was here, my arms swung around and slammed the frying pan into the face of the large dog. It whined out, shrieking almost, falling to the ground.

"GO!" I screamed. Tegan ran past me, pulling Cindy along behind her. I started to run after them, but then I remembered the journal by the door. I turned around and reached down to get the book when growls of the dog began again. The metal to the dog's face wasn't enough to take it down, and I knew it would be up on its feet in any second if I didn't move quickly. My hand grasped the leather backing, and my feet turned the opposite direction to carry me across the yard.

"Don't look back." I said aloud to myself through my heavy breaths as I ran. "Don't look back." I turned the corner of the house where Tegan was helping Cindy over the fence that we had originally climbed over to get into the house. Cindy jumped over, landing loudly on the other side.

"You next!" Tegan yelled. I didn't want to go next; I wanted to help Tegan over first. But then a light turned on in the window next to us, and through the window we could both see the glow of the man's kitchen; there was no time to argue. "COME ON!" Tegan screamed, waving me on. I ran to her, putting my shoe in her open hand and letting her vault me over the fence. My body hit the grass on the other side hard next to Cindy who was still getting up.

"TEGAN!" I shrieked, standing up on my feet. Tegan stepped back, and made a running start at the fence. She leaped and gripped onto the top, screaming out from the splintery wood stabbing into her fingers. I stood under the fence as she pulled herself up, and through the groans, she was on top of the fence. I put my arms out to help her down when a body slammed itself into the fence. Tegan screamed, rocking side to side. The dog barked and scratched at the wood, jumping in the air and trying to bite at Tegan's leg.

Tegan kicked, rolling off the side of the fence we were on, tumbling down on top of me. She got up quickly, helping me up as well.

"HEY!" The man yelled from inside the fence. Tegan grabbed my hand and we sprinted across the front lawn, followed shortly by Cindy. We all ran to Tegan's car, climbing inside and slamming the doors shut. Only when the engine started and the car sped away from the side of road is when I started to cry.


	23. Chapter 23

We arrived back to our house at about 2 a.m., but we had no idea what to do with Cindy. We contemplated bringing her up to our rooms to spend the night there and hide, but that didn't seem like a good idea. We asked her where she lived after we had all calmed down, but Cindy said she didn't live around here – but she wasn't even exactly sure where _here_ was. She told us about how she had dated the guy – which she briefly said that his name was Chris – for about 3 months before they broke up for reasons she didn't say. About a week later, he continued to call her and show up at her house. She said she called the police once, but they didn't do anything. About 2 months after they originally broke up, she said he started threating to take her from her house and force her to be with him. Cindy didn't say much after that, only mentioning that she lives nowhere near here, and that when he came to her house, he must have knocked her out somehow because she couldn't remember anything up until she woke up in his basement.

Tegan and I ended up deciding that she would stay in Tegan's room for the night, and that the two of them would leave early before our mom woke up to take Cindy somewhere better she could stay.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I cried mostly, sometimes getting up and starring at myself in my mirror, or flipping through the pages of Chris' journal that I stole. Most of the pages were entries about different girl's houses – description of the yard, what the house color was, street name – that sort of thing. Sometimes he would go off about how mad he was at the girl that he still did not name. I could never tell if he had switched who he was talking about – the entries all ran together and never seemed to stop. At one point, I remember setting the journal down and closing my eyes against the pillow because I felt so tired, hoping that I would just fall sleep, but all I ended up doing was soaking my pillow with warm tears.

I didn't exactly know why I was crying; it had something to do with all of the fear of everything. Fear of Chris, fear of never finding Jordan, fear of just being so afraid that I could lose myself – I didn't want any of it to be happening. I wanted it all just to stop; I wanted it to all go away. And I kept pleading silently all night until I heard Tegan and Cindy hurry down the stairs at around 5 a.m. And I continued to wish until my alarm winced at making its obnoxious beeping at 6:30 a.m.

I didn't even remember what I did at school that day either. Without Jordan sitting next to me in 1st period, I didn't even care about what we were learning. Tegan wasn't at lunch today either – I'm guessing she ditched school to find a place for Cindy – so I spent that time alone too. And now, as I made my way across campus to leave for home in the quiet presence of students I didn't know, a tap of someone's hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to meet the smiling face of Brett, and the first word that crossed through my mind was "Fuck."

I had completely forgotten about him, I hadn't even realized that he was at school today. The night at his house came back to me, and suddenly my legs didn't want to hold me up properly, making my shift awkwardly on my hips.

"Hey Babe!" He exclaimed, sliding his hand over the side of my waist to pull me against him, kissing my lips. I hesitated the kiss, but gave in halfway through. He noticed my reluctancey, and drew back more quickly than normal. His expression was odd, but didn't comment on it. "Can I walk you home?" He asked, already reaching for the books in my hands. I swung my arms away, stepping back. He held his hands where they were, giving me that look again. "Sara?" He asked.

I didn't mean to step away like that – I just wanted space. Not exactly from him, but from everyone – but then again I really wanted someone I could talk to. But Brett wasn't my person. I could never tell him about the issues I was facing right now, and that hurt my heart so much that I had to keep something from him.

"Is something wrong?"

I looked down, holding my books in front of me, "Oh – erm – nothing; sorry about that." I held out my books to him, my arms wiggly and tired, "Here, yes, please – walk me home?" He didn't take them right away, but did with tight fingers, walking up next to me. I didn't want for this to be awkward – that was the last thing I wanted – so almost immediately as we started walking, I hooked my arm into his and pulled myself against his side as we walked. A smile formed onto his lips, and soon after that everything felt normal again. We made small talk on the way home, and I let Brett do most of the conversing – but the entire way home, my throat was bleeding for air. I needed to get away from him; I needed him to leave. But I loved him; I wanted him to stay. But remembering the feel of Jordan's hug and the touch of her lips made my eyes sting with regret of not going out and looking for her sooner.

Brett and I said our goodbyes at my front door, and I made my way up the stairs. Tegan's car wasn't in the driveway, so I knew that again, I was alone. Mom wouldn't be home until 10 because she said she was working late – so I had the house to myself. My backpack and books landed with a thud on the floor of my room, and then followed by a similar sound when my body slammed onto the bed. I laid there, face down into my blanket for a long while, breathing deeply in and out for it was difficult to get oxygen through the fabric – but I didn't care; I didn't want to move.

After about 3 hours of solitude and slow guitar playing, there was a knock at my door. I lifted my head away from the metal strings and called out a quiet "come in" to the door. Tegan peeked her head into my room, smiling a little bit when she saw me, and I did the same. She stepped inside, softly closing the door behind her.

"How are you doing..?" She asked as she sat down on the bed next to me. I smiled as the bed rocked slightly when she sat down, placing my guitar on the floor leaning against the bed.

"I'm doing alright – better than yesterday I suppose." I looked up at Tegan, "What about you? Where's Cindy?"

"I couldn't find a place for her to stay, and we couldn't figure out where she lived, so I got her into a motel for the night." Tegan sighed, shrugging her head a little bit.

"A motel?" I asked, "Wasn't that kind of expensive?"

Tegan shrugged again, smiling ever so slightly, "Nah – it wasn't that bad. She needed somewhere to go, and it was the least I could do for her."

I watched Tegan when she spoke her words. Something about her demeanor was…different. I wasn't sure what it was, but she seemed more…happy than normal. I'm not too sure if that's the right word to describe her movements, but it seemed to be close enough. Almost tiredly bubbly.

I pursed my lips out as a shrug, and turned my head away and looked down at my hands, sliding my thumb nails over each other to make a 'click' noise with them. "So she's there now?"

"Yeah."

"For how long?"

"I booked her for 3 nights; figured that would give me enough time to try and find her a place."

I turned my head back to her, "Why are you helping her out so much? Don't you think she should just find her way back home herself?"

Tegan turned away from me this time after finding my eyes and looked out across the room. She smiled then, chuckling, "I don't know.." She bit her lip, "I guess I feel like she deserves it – after what happened to her and everything."

I kept my eyes on Tegan, seeing the small sparkle in her eye that was so obvious I had to call her out on it, "Do you like her, Tegan?" I asked with a small laugh.

Her eyes went wide, and her expression was comical disgust as she turned her head back to me, 'WHat? No!" She kept her face, but I just held my smug look, lifting my eyebrow up. Tegan's eyes moved around my face, and then a smile of embarrassment crossed her lips.

"I don't know…maybe a little." She giggled, turning away to smile at the floor.


	24. Chapter 24

The next two days went by as a blur, and soon again it was the weekend. Cindy could only spend the rest of this Saturday at her motel before she had to leave or book herself for another few nights, and I feel like Tegan would definitely go for spending more money on this girl, as it has become obviously apparent to me that she has a crush on her. Looking back at the night we were in Chris' basement – it was so obvious that Tegan liked her that I felt so stupid for not realizing it then.

I sat up early in my kitchen, sipping a cup of tea and looking out the window. Tegan had just gone outside to get the paper, so for a moment; I had my mind to myself.

The past few weeks have been crazy, making my brain rattle in its shell and not being able to fully take in everything that has been happening. Every night, I would sit down on my bed and cry or not be able to shut my eyes, and most of the time sleep never came. I didn't even know why I was crying – I was just so scared. I had already tried pondering why I was crying so much but that wasn't enough; I still didn't know. And I wanted to know. And I wanted it to stop.

I sat with my fist on my chin looking out the window when Tegan came back into the house. I looked up at her tiredly, but her face caught my surprise. She was holding the paper in her hands, but dark circles had suddenly appeared under her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked, shifting my position to face her. She didn't answer me. She just stared at me, shaking from what I could see. I sat in my seat starring back at her. "Tegan, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

She closed her eyes, sucking in her bottom lip and threw the paper down onto the table in front of me. I kept my eyes on her as she turned her head away, and that's when I realized she wanted me to look at the paper. On the top of the stack – the front page – was a giant picture of Jordan.

My heart sank; I could feel my pupils dilate. I felt every bone in my body convulse silently as my arms reached up to pick up the paper. The headline above the picture of Jordan read, "EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD FOUND DEAD OUTSIDE OF CALGARY, ALBERTA"

I didn't want to read the report. I wasn't going to, but my eyes began understanding every word and every line and every syllable that it had to offer, and every single one of them hurt. I couldn't go on after I read something about a creek. My eyes shut without warning and tears poured from my face as I stood up and reached for Tegan uncontrollably.

She was already ready to hold me, and through my shuttered, hysterical weeping I felt her chest moving in shocks as well. We held each other there in silence other than our throats trying not to drown in our own sorrow. It felt like my eyes were burning; I felt like I was melting; I felt like my brain had become a rock. I couldn't even think, and I could barely breathe. And I didn't want to. I wanted to die.

I didn't speak at all the next day. All I did was cry or not do anything at all. I didn't eat; I didn't get up; fuck, I barely left my room to go to the bathroom. Tegan came in every so often to check on me, but she usually left after I would just mindlessly grunt at her. It wasn't even a grunt, more just like a sloppy sigh. Whatever it was, or I was – it wasn't me. I just shut down after I read that article, and I didn't talk to anyone for maybe a week.

School wasn't easy – most of the time I didn't even go. Mom left early anyway, so she was never around to see that I left for school, so I didn't go. Tegan stayed home with me sometimes on those days – making me food so I wouldn't starve in my room, and sometimes even playing her guitar for me. I appreciated everything she was doing for me, but I just couldn't move. I couldn't speak.

Tegan finished playing her guitar and singing a song I'd heard a hundred other times, and when she was done, she looked at me with sad eyes. I was curled up on my bed, not covered by a blanket, staring blankly at the wall. My eyes stung from lack of blinking and excessive crying.

"I went to school today." Tegan stated. I didn't respond. "We talked about different authors in English – it was really interesting."

I wish I had been there; I loved when we had those discussions.

"I didn't enter the discussion though too much – I just watched." Tegan sighed, looking around my room. "Do you want me to read to you?" She asked, eyeing my stacks of books.

Again, I didn't respond. My vocal cords seemed so dry from under use that they may never speak a word again. Tegan waited for me to say something, and when I didn't, that sad look crossed her face again. She started to stand up, but then my arm shot out and grabbed her leg. It felt weird to move; my arm cracked loudly when it reached out. Tegan looked down at me, startled.

"Yes, please." I stuttered out. It was incredibly hard to say that, but I so desperately wanted her to stay here with me. She had been so kind to me within the past few days and I didn't want her to leave. For so long I had only wanted to be by myself, but now I only wanted Tegan here. I wanted her to talk and let me listen to her words. I loved her words, and I loved how hard she was trying to make me feel better.

She smiled down at me, pointing at the books as she moved over to them. "Which one should I read?" she asked, dragging her finger across their spines. She looked over at me, and I moved slightly in a shrug motion. She turned back and selected something I couldn't see from the distance I was at. Tegan sat down next to me on the bed, smiling at me before reading to me the cover of the book, "The Name of the Rose, by Umberto Eco."

The next day at school, when I had just entered the familiar campus for the first time in almost a week, Brett was already waiting for me by his normal table. When he saw me, his arm reached up into the air and waved at me frantically, calling my name out, "Sara!" he yelled, "Come over here!" I didn't want to go to him, I was still in a state of a mime, and I didn't feel like talking to him. My feet carried forward, acting like I couldn't hear him nor see him. Brett continued to yell my name, but I finally stopped hearing him when the door to the school main building shut behind me.

Students slowly made their way down the halls, slower than they usually are. I looked at their faces, and all of them seemed to be in some kind of…distress. It was so confusing, and as I walked to my first period, they all seemed to be silent. Even some of the loudest students were only making quiet small talk to their friends.

I walked into my first period, and every student was already there. I sat down at my table checking my phone: I was 5 minutes early. My eyes glanced over at the seat next to me and a shiver ran up the side of my temple, but I just turned away. I had no thoughts about it; my mind was completely blank. It could barely think of anything.

The teacher stood up from her desk and walked in front of the class. She too looked distraught. Her eyes were on the floor, and with a sigh, she took off her glasses and met the eyes of the quiet students

_What in the world was going on today?_

"Class.." Mrs. Rodger began, "I'm sure you all know what's going on.." The class nodded, and an ironic hand slapped across my face. The students stayed quiet - something very unusual for this class. "And so that means we have a shortened schedule for the assembly; we get out of this class at 8:30 today." The class all nodded in unison again, and then after an uneasy look around, she cleared her throat and began the lesson of the day.

I still had no idea what was happening, and after first period was over, second was the same – and third. Finally, after skipping over lunch due to the schedule change, it was time for the said assembly. All the hundreds of students filed into the gym onto the bleachers. I met up with Tegan through the crowd, and we sat down next to each other in the stands. Leaning over to whisper in her ear, I quietly asked, "Do you know what all of this is about?"

Tegan looked at me with a confused look, but somehow carrying that sad expression that every other student had. "You don't know? I thought out of all people, you-"

"Hello everyone.." The principle declared into the microphone, cutting Tegan off. We both turned to look at him, and Tegan's arms relax and her mouth set. The crowed of students fell silent. "I don't think I need to say again why you are all here, but I do need to say that I hope you all got a chance to know Jordan Gold."


	25. Chapter 25

That feeling came back; the one that I thought I could control; the one I felt when I read the newspaper article. I couldn't cry though, not here at least. I needed to control myself.

"We will be holding a memorial ceremony here on campus on Friday." The Principle said. I turned to look at Tegan who was sitting straight and her eyes weary. I watched her for a moment before turning to look back at the gym floor. "The ceremony isn't mandatory, but we hope that you all can make it to pay respects to one of our students – whether you knew her or not. We will leave from there to the memorial service afterwards."

I suddenly thought back to everything I'd done with Jordan before she went missing: I remembered the first time we talked to each other, and how she pointed out her new lip ring to me; I remembered when she invited me over to her house, and confessed to me about how much she cared about me, and I remembered our kiss. I remembered that the most – how soft and sweet and amazing that whole experience was. And also the way her hand felt in mine during class

Someone's phone started ringing a few rows behind me, cutting out my thoughts. They hurried to quickly hang up the call and put their phone away. But then my mind flashed to something else – the phone. I remembered the moment I saw the missing person's poster hanging on our school wall. The man who answered the number I called on the poster was…so odd. He seemed so blunt – nothing like a father would act. No, he couldn't have been anyone who cared about Jordan.

_Chris._

That name echoed in my head, and my eyes went wide. The person I had talked to was Chris – it had to be. He was looking for her somehow – but why would he be looking for her if –

The thought struck me hard, and soon my entire body felt warm with rage. My heart beat hard in my skull and my fists gripped the bench I was sitting on. The thought hurt, but it made me irate more than it did depressed.

_Chris. He killed her. He killed Jordan._

He was using the poster as a way to drive people away from looking for her; he had her all this time, and he was planning on hurting her all along. He must have taken her to his basement, and when Cindy said that Chris had taken Jordan away and Jordan hadn't come back – that was the night he killed her. That was the night Jordan was taken from my world,

_And I wasn't going to let him get away with it._

I couldn't sit there much longer in silence; my mind was fuming with rage, and my fingers were starting to hurt from gripping the bench. When I realized it, Tegan was staring at me with a strange look. She looked scared actually, and her arm was about to reach to touch my shoulder when I stood up. Several students behind me gave me an odd look, and my standing immediately brought the attention of everyone on the gym floor. I stormed down the bleacher steps without looking at anyone, and pushed my way through the doors into the main hallways of my school.

I moved my pace down the hall, feet stomping and teeth grinding against each other. He needed to pay – he _was_ going to pay. I didn't know what I was doing or how I'd get there – but he was going to pay. He took something from me that I loved and made me happy, and now the only thing I'd enjoy seeing was him suffering.

"Sara!" Tegan yelled as she came running out of the gym doors and out into the halls. I didn't turn around to look at her; I just picked up my pace towards the exit of our school. "Sara – wait!" I was almost to the front doors when Tegan grabbed my hand and yanked me back, making me thrust forward and shake my arm to try to get her off.

"Let _GO_ of me Tegan!" I growled at her.

"Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"I don't need to tell yo-"

"SARA!" Tegan screamed, squeezing my hand so hard I could feel her force against my bone. My hand unflexed, and my shoulders relaxed, but my mind was still on fire. I didn't want to explain myself – I just wanted to find Chris. Tegan stumbled over her words, caught up in her emotions, "I know you're hurting because of Jordan being gone and I know that assembly didn't help but you need to RELAX." She pleaded, her hand barely holding mine now.

I stared at her, breathing heavily through my nose. My eyes searched through Tegan for the right way I could tell her what I was planning on doing, but I couldn't seem to find what's right.

"Just talk to me! You have hardly spoken a word to me for a week now – and I need to know what's going on – PLEASE!"

"I hate him." My voice cracked. Tegan was caught off guard. "Hate who?" she asked.

"Chris." I looked at her dead in the eye, and right when I was about to talk again, I could see on her face that she realized where I was about to go with my words. "He killed her, Tegan – he killed Jordan and I know it. It all makes sense to me now.." I gapped my mouth, physically unable to speak. I chocked on my words for a second before continuing with a horse tone, "And he's going to pay for it."

Tegan stared at me when I said that, face startled. Her eyes moved around my face, and soon her mouth curved downward, and her eyes became an angry sad that I've never seen her do before. Her hand rose up from her side and struck the side of my face so hard it back flashed into my eyes, and the gums around my teeth stung. I gasped at impact, and my head threw to the side. Tegan immediately started wailing at me right after her hand finished its attack on my face, "THAT ISN'T GOING TO FIX ANYTHING SARA! IT'S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING AND YOU KNOW IT. JORDAN'S GONE. SHE'S DEAD." Several tears fell from her eyes when I finally lost the blurry vision that she caused, and my hand rubbed the numb side of my face as I felt my own warm tears fall in harmony of her's. "YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT NOW, BECAUSE NO ONE – NOT YOU, ME, OR ANYONE CAN FIX THIS NOW. SHE'S GONE SARA. SHE'S GONE."

Our stinging, shivering eyes held each other in the hallway for only a little while longer before students started filling into the hallway from the gym, and Tegan's lips quivered before she burst into tears – pushing past me to run out of the school doors. I stood there, holding my face in silence as questionable students walked past me without a word.

I realized now that no matter how much hurt that Jordan's death has been causing me, Tegan was hurting too. She never got to grieve Jordan's death because she took it upon herself to take care of me when I was powerless. But what struck me was that Tegan wasn't connected like I was to Jordan, so the question of why she was so upset hovered above my head. I turned to face the school doors that Tegan ran out of, and then the answer came to me. She was grieving for me. Tegan was so upset like this because of me, and what I must be going through.

My hand tapped the skin on my cheek again, feeling the sting slowly fade away. Tegan screamed and yelled and hit me the way she did because she loves me, and she doesn't want to see me like this anymore. I couldn't control the feels I was having, and Tegan knew that, but now that I had realized what I was doing to Tegan, I felt as though I needed to try harder to control my thoughts.

Friday came along after two days, and Tegan and I met up at our school for the ceremony. The school had announced a day off for its students and faculty for the memorial, so many students didn't declare that they would be coming. But when I walked onto campus, I was taken aback by the crowd. I scanned over the faces that had gathered in the quad, and it seemed that almost the entire school had shown up. Everyone wore formal attire and their faces blank with grief, all facing the same way towards a large memorial that had been constructed.

I slowly made my way towards the crowd where I noticed Tegan standing aside Cindy – both wearing dresses. I recognized the dress Cindy was wearing as something Tegan had in her closet. I wondered when they had time to retrieve something from Tegan's room, but I didn't bother trying to find that answer now – today was Jordan's day. Today was a day for silent grief to mourn the loss of a fellow student, friend, and for me - a lover.

The ceremony lasted for about an hour, and soon we all headed towards a cemetery where the official memorial was happening - set up by Jordan's family. We all moved in close with weeping family members, friends, and relatives. A coffin held suspended above a deep hole, and when it was announced, three men began lowing Jordan into the ground. I watched each moment with careful eyes, making sure I didn't miss any of it. Part of me begged to look away, but I knew I had to watch. This would be the last time I'd ever see Jordan, or ever be remotely with her – even if that wasn't exactly true. But it was all I had now, and I wanted it. I watched the coffin as long as I could before it disappeared into its grave.

My eyes found the grassy dirt, and Tegan reached out to take my hand. I looked up at her, and both Cindy and Tegan were looking at me too. They both had looks of regret and sorrow, and I knew that both of them were feeling completely different things. I wondered what kind of connection Cindy had with Jordan after sharing a basement together, trapped by a man I despised so much. And I wondered what Tegan's eyes meant, if she really felt the way I was guessing, or if she had more things hiding from me. Either way, I would never know, but I did know this: We all missed her.

I couldn't say I missed her the most, but I wanted to. But instead I turned back to look at the three men shoveling dirt into the hole, and I squeezed Tegan's hand in mine, and she squeezed back.

* * *

This is the second to last chapter of By The Book! Stick around until next week for the exciting conclusion of this heartbreaking story! Post date is June 7th, but it may be posted earlier, so keep checking back!


	26. Chapter 26

I sat in my room at my desk with my fist against my face. The pen in my other hand vigorously copied down notes from the textbook next to me down onto my paper – trying as hard as it could to catch up on all the homework I'd missed. I wished I could have just "fucked it" and just skipped over the sections I was absent for, but obviously that wasn't a choice – so I worked late into the weekend that Saturday, writing down words that I didn't care much for.

I decided to take a break from working Sunday morning. I went downstairs and gazed out across my kitchen at our dining table. There was no way that I'd sit there now – not yet at least. That seat that faced the window still had nails poking out of it in the memory of the newspaper, and sitting down on it would just be foolish – for I would only be hurting myself when it was obvious I shouldn't sit there. So, with that, I walked out the front door and went for a walk. The early morning was still cold, and I kept my hands in my jacket's front pockets to keep them warm.

My shoes tapped the ground lightly as I walked, and soon they carried me past my school, but I didn't so much as look up at it as I passed. It was the weekend – I didn't even want to think about that place right now. I pretended it wasn't even there, and that that massive building with the brick walls surrounding it were just the open sky over a vast field. It was easy, once I got the hang of the whole "imaginary" thing. I did it with a few things too along the way. Pretending that trashcans were odd purple creatures and that cars were giant elephants stampeding down the road. It made me giggle almost at my foolish behavior, and soon I found myself walking into a danger zone.

Well, it was a danger zone for _me – _the area I was approaching was Jordan's old neighborhood. It would actually be one of the safest areas in our whole town, but my mind wasn't safe here, not at all. So I turned and made a right down the sidewalk, avoiding the largely gated area that I pretended was a forest with big white puffy clouds floating over it. Soon, however, the area I was in became unknown to me, and I made points of remembering land marks to be able to find my way back home.

This part of town seemed to be more awake than my quiet suburban area – some few people walked the sidewalks, and I smiled lightly at them as I passed; some smiled back, some didn't even look at me. I noticed some people entering a mini mart across the street, and every so often a car would pass. But soon I entered a neighborhood full of houses again, and it was quiet once more.

Suddenly, however, an alarm went off in my brain, and I no longer felt safe: I was entering another danger zone. I didn't know where I was or why I felt as though I should turn around, but I didn't like it. I scanned over the area, not recognizing anything peculiar or harmful to me, so staying conscious of the feeling behind my skull, I kept moving forward. The echo of my feet tapping on the sidewalk made up for the void of noise in this area, but my mind was being frantic in trying to understand why I felt so anxious about where I was. I checked my back – nothing. I looked around my sides – no one following me. I was safe, but I still didn't feel it.

But then I saw it. I realized why I felt this way, and what the cause of it was. It was the abandoned house Jordan took me to to take shelter from Chris the night he jumped us from the ally. It stood about two blocks away from me, surrounded by an empty field with no houses near any of its sides. Its windows were open, or maybe they weren't even there – I couldn't tell. The paint of its outer walls were peeling and some places were completely bare with exposed wood. I walked slowly towards it, not wanting to get any closer but at the same time I wanted to go inside. I wanted to see that place again. I wanted to see that room again – the chemically smelling room – the room Jordan and I first kissed in. I wanted to close my eyes in that room and just for a moment, just a second, take it all in again; and then I would leave, and never go back. I would leave that place and also leave that memory of Jordan there, because like Tegan said: she was gone, and I needed to make the feeling of her gone as well, because they were no good to me now. They only hurt me.

Soon I stood in front of the house, and I hesitated before turning the door knob to open the door. It opened pretty easily to my surprise. I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Already, there was a distinct smell of strange chemicals and rubbing alcohol. The inside walls of my nose burned from the scent, and my eyes watered lightly, but my mind felt at ease with the toxic air flowing through my lungs – slowly burning away the painful memories I wanted to leave here.

I stood in a living room of sorts; a torn couch carelessly thrown against a wall, an old wooden coffee table, and some empty picture frames hung on the wall. On the opposite wall, in front of the couch, was a table that I assumed used to hold up a TV set. To my left was entry way, and when I walked into it, it revealed the kitchen. The tile counters were chipped and cracked - some even missing. No appliances were set up, but there was a table with one chair to my left. I walked back out into the living room, looking up at the stairs that led to the second floor, and at the top of the stairs was the door Jordan had led me into that night.

The door was open. I couldn't see into the room very well, but having the door open like that gave me a strange feeling that it was somehow asking me to go inside of it. I imagined that it really was, having a strange voice that was asking me to come to him. I glanced around, watching my foot take it's first steps up the wooden stairs. They were stable, and did not creek when I started to climb them.

I walked to the top of the stairs, staying very quiet to not disturb this peaceful, toxic place. I quickly looked to my left and right, seeing that the upstairs continued into halls, and other doors remained in those directions. They were all closed, however. I turned back to the room in front of me, and slowly approached the doorway. I held my breath as I looked towards the bed – it was my immediate instinct to look there. But I continued holding my breath when I my eyes found a person sitting on the bed with their back to me. They were slumped over, facing the wall as they messed with something in front of them.

I had to be imagining this person like I had been the whole way here, because the color of their hair was throwing me off. It was red…

…_like Jordan's._

I blinked at their back, and they must have not noticed me here because they did not at all turn around to face me. My hands flexed at my side, being nervous of what I should do. Surely they were just an illusion – but this house _was _abandoned; anyone could live here for all I knew. I took my chance though, just to correct my thoughts if this figure that resembled my deceased lover was real.

"J-….Jordan..?" I stuttered out at the person. They flipped their head around in surprise, throwing themself against the wall by the bed. I stared at her, and she stared back at me. My heart beat quickly and sweat began to form on my brow. I could feel the blood rushing through my face. It was her – it was Jordan. Her long red hair laid against her skin, and her lip ring shined in the lightly lit room.

"S-Sara..?" She too stuttered out as I did.

She couldn't be real – she couldn't be. Jordan was dead; they found her body! They knew it was her and they buried her and everything – she was _gone. _The person I was looking at must have been illusion, or someone else that knew me that I wasn't recognizing.

"Sara…" Jordan breathed out as she got up from her position and ran over to hug me. Her body slammed against mine, and the actual feel of her threw me off, and soon my mind began to panic.

_I can feel her. She isn't fake._

I pushed her off of me, shaking horribly and stepping back, "Who are you?!" I yelled almost. Jordan looked around at my face with an expression of understanding sadness. "It's me – it's Jordan."

"Jordan's dead." I bluntly said. I stepped back again, but Jordan – _or whoever_ _she was_ – stepped closer to me with her hands out.

"No Sara…" she whispered, "That wasn't real, it was all fake."

"What are you talking about..?!" I spat out in a wet wail. Jordan's eyes dropped to the ground, shaking like I was; she stepped closer, and I moved backwards. I wasn't letting this person be close to me until I knew what was happening. My spine quivered with fear, but my heart beat a thousand times faster now. Right as Jordan was about to speak, I noticed a large slash across her cheek.

"I…" she started, "I faked it. I didn't die – I'm still alive Sara." She looked up at me, and moved closer. My feet didn't move this time, and when she noticed I didn't move away, she stepped closer to me again. "I don't know how to even tell you what happened…but I faked the whole thing, I made it seem like I died so that…" She stopped, and looked away from me, "…so that…I would be safe.."

My eyes went over her tortured, shattered face, and suddenly I realized who she was. She was Jordan – she really was – and she was standing right in front of me after all of this time of looking for her. She was here, right here. She was talking to me.

I moved to her and closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms around her back so tightly I thought I was hurting her, but she hugged me back almost instantly. I moved one of my hands up to entangle my fingers in her hair, feeling the greasy knots that hung within her beautiful red strands. I recognized the curve of her breasts on my chest, and the way her hips were pressed against my thighs – I felt it all. It was all so real and I squeezed my eyes closed in hopes that I wasn't dreaming, or that this was all just an illusion.

"I'm sorry.." Jordan breathed out, moving her hands up to grip my shoulders, "I'm so sorry I did this to you…"

I hugged her a little while longer, and then pulled away to look at her destroyed face. The look in her eyes made my heart sink but all at the same time send millions of butterflies to happily frolic in my stomach. No matter what has happened, those eyes still made me go crazy. I brushed a hair from her face that had strayed away from the rest, feeling my throat become tense with the threat of tears, "It's okay Jordan…" I swallowed hard, holding her cheek – her eyes shook, "…It's okay."

I took one last breath before my face inched towards her, but she pulled me in to kiss her hard, and both of our lungs emptied loudly into the air with relief and pleasure of the feeling of the others. It was barely even a kiss – more of just a desperate face smash – but never the less, we kissed again. And we kissed for so long and I never wanted to let go, but after a short while, we pulled back and looked at each other, and both of us formed small smiles on our faces.

"I love you." Jordan said.

The breath caught in my throat; I never expected her to say something like that, but part of me already knew she would.

"I love you too." I breathed out with a smile.

Jordan explained to me what had happened, and how everything was brought to what it was. She explained to me how Chris took her from her house one night, blind-folded her, and knocked her out. She had woken up in his basement sometime later, to the point that he forcibly raped her several times, and forced her to talk to him in different manners she wouldn't say. One night – the one Cindy mentioned before – Chris tied Jordan up and said that he was taking her somewhere. They left out the back door from the basement, and started walking to the street. Jordan described how at one point, she kicked her leg up and struck Chris on the chin, making him buckle over holding his face releasing Jordan.

She ran. She ran as fast and as far as she could. When she finally knew she couldn't run anymore, she rushed into a dense forest area that was just on the outside of town. She continued deeper and deeper into the trees, but she knew Chris would find her if she stayed there.

"This was the worst part" Jordan whimpered as she told me the story. She said as she walked, she stumbled across a creek that ran in front of her path. She noticed through the dark something floating in the water, and when she got a better look, she was mortified to find the body of a horribly burned woman, half naked and floating amounst the rocks in the water. Jordan got the idea quickly, but didn't want to carry it out right away. After much thought, she took out every identifying item she had – her driver's license, debit card, school ID, and cell phone – and stuffed them into the rotting girl's pockets. "I figured since she was so burned, they couldn't use any type of finger print scanning to find out who she was, and would only have to go off of what was in her pockets…" Jordan stated with a sigh. After one last glance, Jordan ran away, and made it back to the abandoned house where she planned on staying until things blew over.

"Chris kept looking for me, and I heard about the signs he put up around town." Jordan said, "I think he was just trying to gather information from others to find me."

After Jordan described everything that happened, I finally asked the biggest question that was on my mind.

"What do you plan on doing now?" I asked, sitting with Jordan on the bed, holding her hand. She looked down and kind of shrugged.

"I don't know, actually. I was thinking about ditching all of this and moving to the States where maybe I can start new there, and get a job on my own." She looked around at the floor, "This has all just been so intense.."

I watched her very carefully, and my mind hyped up as the blood rushed through my veins, and my grip around Jordan's hand tightened.

"Take me with you.." I choked out.

She looked at me, 'W-what?" She asked, barely speaking.

"Take me with you." I said more strongly this time, "Let's do it – let's escape and move to the US and start a new life there."

"S-Sara…-" Jordan started.

"-I want to." I cut in, Jordan stayed quiet. "I want to…I want to do this..I want to do this with you."

And that was how it was decided. Jordan and I packed our things a week later, and soon made our way to the train station. We met up with Tegan and Cindy, who stood out in front hand in hand. We said our goodbyes, and I hugged Tegan harder than I've ever hugged her, making sure she understood that I would write her every chance I got. Jordan and Cindy said their goodbyes as well, hugging lightly, knowing what the other has been through, and how they both have gotten away. Our eyes teared up as we waved goodbye for the last time, and Tegan and Cindy watched us as the train pulled away and ventured south across the United Sates border, and into a new world. A different world. A world that brought the two of us hope for the future. And that future _was_ hopeful – I finished my high school years with night courses at a local community college in the small town of Eugene, Oregon, and Jordan started working as a mechanic at a repair shop. We lived difficult lives with having to support ourselves and living on our own – but we did it. And we were happy.

We loved each other endlessly, and we never forgot to write back to Tegan and Cindy – who in the later years – ended up moving in together. We did it, and everything worked out in the end. And that's all I ever wanted – to be happy, to be safe, and to be with my Jordan.

* * *

This has been the conclusion of my story By The Book! Thank you all for reading - I truly appreciate the support and feedback, and I hope to hear from you all in the future with new stories I'll be posting!


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